Life as we know it

Okay, for realz this time

2009-11-30T05:41:00.000-08:00

due to incredible fan pressure (my mom) i have decided to continue blogging. Expect a post when i feel like it, or something really stupid happens to me. K. Here's the new link:

http://iguanaspeaks.blogspot.com

pretty much, i don't use yahoo anymorei use gmail, so i made a new start blog from my gmail account. If you want to continue following my adventures, i suggest you start there.

over and out,
iguana

It's packin its bags!

2009-07-20T05:45:00.001-07:00

alright!

the blog ist moving!

The blog will now be put up on my yahoo profile, where i hope it'll be more managable and easier to use. And won't be as public, seeing as only a few people can see it for some reason.

There ya have it!

have any questions, email me!

Yes i am indeed still alive

2009-07-14T00:54:00.000-07:00

And i'm going to the beach! Ashdod! Isn't that vunderful?

Yes it is.

But, Doda says theres a red flag at the shore, and taht means jellyfish. Realy, jellyfish. So you can't go past knee deep, but that's okay. Im afraid of ocean water anyway, because of all the green stuff you find floatin around. You don't wanna know what that stuff is. So i figured i'd stay on the beach and make sandcastles with the babies! That sounds like fun, right? But teh kids aren't coming. It's just me and Shoham. That kinda stinks. But im sure we'll still have a blast! A beach is a beach, right? And i'm gonna take some killa pictures because, as my father claims, i have some kinda 'photographers instinct' or something that tells me when it's a good time to take a picture, and from waht angle.

Well, we're leaving now.

Buh-bye!

DELETED!

2009-07-08T11:45:00.000-07:00

sorry, ya'll.

I fear my mom too much to suffer the consquences from around the globe.

Gee, it feels like a stranglehold, doesn't it?

Well, she probably reads this blog in her spare time (since when..?).

HI MOM!

DELETED!

2009-07-07T14:15:00.000-07:00

9:33pm on the evening watch and all's well

2009-06-24T19:32:00.000-07:00

ah, typing on a netbook. It's like all my bestest bestest dreams came true. Ugh, this thing's got a funky keyboard...please excuse the typos....

So, my best friend's sister is getting married the 28th, conspicuoisly (?) the day right before i leave for israel. Also on the 28th, my russian friend's 10th baby sibling is getting his bris. Both of these events i am not attending because a) i want to rest for my flight or something and b) namely, i don't want to.

Look, i'm not a terrible person, don't get me wrong. I don't know how to be a terrible person if one came up and mugged me. But, at the same time, i don't do very well at the awqward (cool band name)' situation. I don't WANT to be standing next to my ecstatic friend in 100 degree weather as her sister gets married! I'm not GOOD at that! Also, i don't want to be at some bris!

But I like my friends!
what am i gon do?
not to mention i can't be in two places at one time. If I could do that, i would've dominated the world a long time ago.

So the answer is, nothing. I'm gona stay inside, probably eat, or sleep, or read or pack. Or sleep. Or animate. Or just chill with my famibly. Probaby eat. Or buy stuff for the trip with my sweet american currency (currently $11).

so long, blogsphere. There's some cold meatloaf unda da fridge.

my nose is cold

2009-06-17T17:08:00.000-07:00

Summer! Isn't that great? no. Allergies. My nose and throat and eyes and ears and yeah. So it's ITCHEY! YAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

PS, before you read any further please note that I am posting blindfolded due to a letter from our friends.

There are several other things I would like to blog about, but unfourtuantlye (in the sense of 'but') blogging out my growing feeling such as frustration, confusion, and sadness, would probably offend some people. For example, i went over to my besdt friend's house yesterday, and her sister's getting married next sunday. So she invited a lot of over friends there too, and that's when her sister came in. She said 'okay, so *sister*'s here, we're not going to talk about the wedding.' And then friend two says 'yeah you don't talk about the wedding, only about *chosson's name'!

Ant then she ran out of the house. So afater a while I went out to find her and she was crying her guts out becuase the whole wedding was just so tense on her, and she didn't want her sister to know that she had openly talked about the chosson. She told me someone had asked her if she was 'flirting' wit him once. That made me want to laugh. A lot. But I didn't because of how sad she was. She was afraid her sister would be mad people, because she was 'flirting'. This made me want to laugh harder, but again, i noticed how seriously she was taking these gags.

IN general, I like to be a funny person. But I realize that some people just don't know how to take a joke. But I'm NOT about to go buy a diary because 1) I am saving all my precious Amercian currency ($11) for my trip to israel next week and 2) it's much harder to write all that than it is to type blind=folded.

Good night america.

Happy one day's late mother's day!

2009-05-11T15:35:00.001-07:00

.....

no post, sorry.

Lag Ba'omare= funtime

2009-05-07T15:32:00.000-07:00

well that vote was incredibly uneventful. Only like, two people voted. But that's okay because I decided today that I want to get it cut. I found that I was pretty nervous with it all up on my head, because for some reason I thought everyone could see my *COUGH COUGH*..sorry there.....blog filterer must've sneezed.

And I feel natural with it down. Even though it doesn't look as nice. Anyway, our plans for lag Ba'omare are lookin cchhhhchhhall right. In teh morning, we're gonna go rollar skating at Skating University of Wisconsin (or whatever). Then we will probably come back at 12:00 and have a picnic with Mrs. P, and then play Machanayim or eat popsicles. And GET THIS: 5th and 6th grade teachers actually want to learn from 12-3, so it's just going to be 7th and 8th grade. w0000000t! Bye-bye, snotty kids!!!

you can't have any, you're too young.

But anyway, I plan to spend the whole day relaxing and probably posting on my blog. Or I WAS until I found out I'm supposed to go to some genius meeting or something. I also took the SAGES (Screening Assessment for Grade and Elementarry school Students) for some reason, and I got like a B. But the school wants to stick me in Kadima anyway. I don't even know what Kadima is. And I certainly don't want to GO there and probably WASTE my TIME doing GENIUS activities because I could be HAVING FUN with my friends. For example just today I:

-played Machanayim (with my friends)
-got some good food (from my friends)
-sat around and talked (with my friends)
-had a fire jrill (with my friends)
-got yelled at by the prinicpal (with my class)
-wrote a ballad about a bike gang (with my friend Chamol)

Now THAT'S how you have fun.

Getting more-so to the point, I want to have fun on lag Ba'omare too. I think that's why I decided to make this post. Really it's because I LOVE the keyboard on my new compy and I just finished checking my email so I thought to myself 'better update the ol' blog'. Okay.
...and I am OUT...

There's some cold meatloaf under da fridge,
iguana :)

iguana's hair is rather thick...

2009-05-05T15:26:00.000-07:00

I am at a crossroads.

I know I am going to Israel soon, and I know it happens to be hot there. So how am I going to keep cool with this long shag of hair I've got? Mom says put it in a banana clip. What is this, you ask? It's like a pony tail, only it doesn't actually pull on your scalp, so I'm okay to wear it. I have a scalp condition where I flake very easily, and wearing pony tails for long times or when I am asleep will cause damage to it. I think. Anyway, I could use this bright green banana clip to stay cool, or I have the option to get my hair cut. Like short. Like, maybe even shoulder length or a little less.

What to do? I have to stay cool, but how?

I'm leaning towards hair cut, because banana clips SOMETIMES give me headache. This has not been proven, but ponytails give me headaches, and I think they're still a little similar. Also, I would probably have to keep messing with a banana clip to keep it up and straight. So, which one do I choose?

YOU decide!
Please vote. I am indecisive!!!!!

shifting eyes nervously,
iguana '~'

60 degrees? I must be dreaming

2009-05-03T08:46:00.000-07:00

it's already may, peoples. You know what that means.

BIRFDAY MONTH!!!!1

That's right! Studies show (or maybe they don't if just looks cooler that way) that most baby girls are born in the month of may. Except me. But I'm better than them anyway, so what do I need to be born in may for? (sarcasm sarcasm). But may is SUPPOSED to be the month in which warm weather decides to show up! That's good, isn't it?

But it's already may usually means that school will be over in June. Unless it's not. That would be kinda strange. But school usually ends in June, so that means this will be my last month of 7th grade. Next year will probably be 8th grade which mean MAJOR FUNDRAISING TIME!!! Mrs. Jarcaig estimates that to go to Washin'ton, we'll need to raise over 10,000 dollars, which she said wouldn't be justified in this economy. So we're not going to Washintong next year. Maybe we'll go to the dells? Maybe we'll go to New York? Maybe we'll go to Sherman Perk? (coffee shop around the corner, to all ya'll non-Milwaukee'ans.)

YOU decide!!

Feel free to send me a fat envelope stuffed with cash! And remember: this good cause is GOOD.....'cause!

enjoying her new compy,
iguana ^.^

So....Israel....

2009-04-28T15:48:00.000-07:00

I'm going to Israel!!! Isn't that great!

Israel is a nice place and i promise to bring home lotsa pictures and movies and all that stuff. Why am I going, you ask? Well, I shall tell you. It all started a few weeks ago, at my eye doctor appointment....

flashback!

we were in the car listening to aviad-gil's song Kaeli-shehBaShamaYim and I was trying to translate along. But his accept was so hard to follow i started asking mom about it just as he hit the chorus

AVIAD: Kaeli-ShehBashamaYIm lecha ani tamid koreh..(my G-d in the heavens, I'm always crying out to you)

ME:...? Ain le sheshamayim? (i'm not in the sky) tain li shebashamayim? (give me the sky) oh i give up. mom, what on earth is he talking about?

MOM: he's saying Kaeli. Can't you speak hebrew?

ME: yes. yes i can. But he's saying it wrong!!!

MOM: I think if you lived in Israel you'd pronounce it like that too.

ME: try me.

MOM: well we could always send you there over the summer.

ME: chair flips back.

So it turned out that she WAS sending me there to try and understand hebrew better because if you go somewhere where everyone speaks a foreign language, you'd want to learn it, right? But also because my cousin Shoham is going to be learning english, so I guess it's all good. Only I'd have to sleep in talya's room. That kid is like the enbodiment of sugar. SHE'S NUTS! Almost as nuts as Shaked, but no quite. The thing is, once i get off that plane, talya will talk my head off, and she'll be speaking too fast for me to even HEAR her.

And I'll be meeting my brother's girlfriend. wOOt!

eat a steak,

iguana :P

iguana is munching her high-fiber cereal

2009-04-16T20:29:00.000-07:00

YES! 8 days without fiber and I SURVIVED!

Just barely, though. There were some pretty bad cramp cases over Chol HaMo'ade, but I think I did pretty well considering. We're turning over our kitchen now. Right now. In fact I might have to cut this one short because any second now Fudge is gonna pop up behind me and remind me about how lazy I am (by the way I am typing 76 words per minute right now).

Mrs. B is singing My Fair Lady.

Which I guess is okay because when we started Outofammo was spouting "Play us a song, you're the pianoman". Speaking of pianomin, my song is coming along quite smoothly. In fact, at this rate, I'll probably finish it and be working on my next one (Nephilim) before May! Sweet, right? I'm debating whether or not to post them on my blog when I finish them, because they're a pain in the nect to record. I stick to pianos, NOT keyboards. Unfortuantly, keyboards are hooked up to computers and pianos aren't.

Talkatchya'll later,
iguana ;)

I suddenly feel old

2009-04-08T11:22:00.000-07:00

My best friend's sister is getting married.

So, how come Fudge isn't engaged yet? That is the question. I once told my best friend 'your sister can't get married before MY sister! That wouldn't make any sense!' and yet.....

SHE'S SO ANNOYING! Fudge's a writer, and grammer type person. Plus she's in my family, so I assumed it'd take her a while to find the right guy. And also, she just doesn't seem like the marrying type. She seems like a 3rd grade english teacher, type. Not that I'm saying she IS, just that i wish she'd hurry up and get married. I KNOW THAT DOESN'T SOUND GOOD JUST PRETEND YOU DIDN'T READ IT! Whada heck arya doin on mablog chanyway.

At least Kovs is getting somewhere. I hope. What's the point in having older older siblings if you can't marry them off anyway?

Oh my name is Mrs...

2009-04-05T08:04:00.000-07:00

Hi ya'll!

It's that time of year again. Pesach cleaning. Yup.

BUT
I am hiding away in teh basement, writing my blog because there is no way in heck I'm gonna clean that fridge, plus Rafiki's doing it anyway. Having my family home is great (I miss you Kovi!) but there are some major downsides. For examplea: The Pt woke up this morning at who knows when and started sobbing her heart out. Then she starting kicking her bed and really whining, so Fudge asked her what was wrong. No repsonse. I politly thrust my head under my pillow (which I have not done since PT was three and couldn't STOP whining). Fudge kept repeatedly asking PT what was wrong and nothing was happening. Bingo. Now I have a headache. I think the reason she was whining is because she didn't know if it was morning yet. Whatever.

So, no school! That's awesome. I can sleep for as late as I want now, as long as a certain snotty little sister doesn't wake me up! The weather isn't exactly Pesidic yet though. I remember last Pesach like a slideshow:

dining room
grape juice
lotsa people
morning
eating farfel
going for a walk
coming inside
eating popsicles.

And I remember that to be a very good pesach. Join me in a sacred prayer for one that will be as good as that one.

oooohhhh maaaa yiiiiii maaaa.

And I am...OUT.

It's raining outside and the pt got wet

2009-03-31T15:14:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah, I'ma feeling fine. I played like the best game of Machanayim there ever was. Like, for reals. I mean, I tipped like fiftten balls, got someone out even, and.....was cool.
But anyway, since nothing exciting is probable to happen in the next few minutes/days, I'm going to answer some questions that people asked me today in the most hilarious fashion possible.

Do I smell bad?

um....er.....uh....

What the heck kind of question is that anyway? I just don't know what to say when people ask me this stuff. I mean, I suppose I could say yes, but I don't go around sniffing people so techinically I don't know. So when this person asked me this question, I telled to her saying:

"What the heck kind of question is that anyway?"

Does it annoy you when I do this?

YES. VERY VERY MUCH. PLEASE STOP ASKING STUPID QUE-STIONS.

What can I say? People ask me stuff like this ALL DAY! Like, for a day job!

Rather annoyed,
signing off,
iguana.

It's not such a bad day out

2009-03-23T18:42:00.000-07:00

Wow. I feel like an update. My blog is probably getting stale by now. Do blogs do that? You know, get stale? huh.

Chanyways, We're getting a new girl in our class tomorrow. Who saw that coming? I don't know how to feel about that anyway. Whatever. I have nothing to blog about really. Oh yeah, the weather is okay outside. Real good actually, like bearable even.

I'll have more to write about later peoples, trust me. Just proving to all ya'll I still live.

...Chokay that's a wrap, I'll be in my trailer....

A little goes not a long way

2009-03-17T18:56:00.000-07:00

Topic of the day: High metabolism.

Chokay, due to my Math Teacher, Mrs. P, being very bored as of late, she decided to pass out these 'do it yourself' type health slips. They said stuff like how many calories you're supposed to burn in one day, how many you need to gain weight, lose weight, etc.
She also mentioned high metabolism, to which many people in my class shared their VERY unwanted comments:

"Oh, I know this girl who has a real high metabolism. It's really disgusting, she sits down to eat and then in fifteen minutes she has to go to the bathroom (snarkle)!"

Things I could live without knowing! But anyway, as makes sense in this case, I became way to concerned with how much water I was drinking daily, calorie intake, and.....brace your ears for this one........asking myself how often I went to the bathroom. Why do people keep assaulting teenagers about their weight these days anyway?!?!?!?
Well, I'm not technically a teenager yet. Got three more months to go. At least I think that's how long. I'm too lazy to do the math and find out. It's March now, right? So my birthday's in July. Aw, who cares. So anyway, I've been really nervous about my weight and stuff. So I decided to write it all out on a blog, right? Hah! Am I smart or am I smart? Oh, they never saw this coming! I AM ON TOP OF THE WORLD!!!!!

Current mood- troubled! :{

A kid half my size...

2009-03-13T14:52:00.000-07:00

is trying to bully me.

Hard to believe, right? I mean, she's tiny. She thinks she can bully me. Ugh, she's annoying. She is trying really hard to get me mad. She:

take my davening spot

take our table at lunch (yes, she's trying to boil me AND my friends)

messes with my sketchbooks during mincha

makes weird faces at me (..to try to get me to laugh?)

tries to bump me in the hallway, only she's too short

thinks she's on top of the world, obviously

rifles through my lunch box when I'm not looking

pretends to be high all the time (because she thinks she can get away with bullying if she is)

A-N-N-O-Y-I-N-G

But I am the MATURE one, so I haven't punched her lights out yet. But she definatly knows I can, and WILL if she keeps gratin' my nerves. Which she is doing at an alarming rate. Whatever.

Oh yeah, the carnival was fun. But it would've been more fun if the bully and her entorouge hadn't been complaining about simmy and my booth all the time. And they were WAY too old for our booth, so they blamed it on us that they weren't having fun. Although, I have to admit, Simmy was a LITTLE obnoxious with them, but it's nothing to cry your lungs out about. Besides, they deserve it.

I'm trying to ignore her, because I know she'll give up after a while. Then she usually finds someone younger to bully, but I think she knows if she can get me mad enough, I will kick her in the gut (I've done it before). And that will get me in a lot of trouble, so I just try to avoid her.

But, man, it's not easy! When someone goes out of their way to be rude, it gets noticed! Oh yeah, that's the good part! 8th grade (:D) has noticed she's so obnoxious, and have started to deny her access to their classroom, computers, food, soda, and all the other cool stuff the 8th grade usually give out to the kids.

Man, YES sucks. Maybe Tam will be better. Which reminds me: ONLY ONE YEAR TO GO!!!! NEXT YEAR I'LL BE IN TAM!!!! W0O0O0O0OT!!!!

Happy Purim ya'll!

2009-03-09T17:12:00.000-07:00

I still alive!

yup, I survived Ta'anis Esther. Chalk up one more for iguana's great feats of wonder.

So, guess who's running a booth at the annual purim carnival?

Tahts right! My best friend simmy and I are in charge of the FLUFF AND CHIPS BOOOTH!!! SCORE! And you know what our job is? For a full two hours, simmy and I get to stuff spoonfuls of marshmallow fluff into little kids' mouths! Oh the joy and happiness!

Frielichen Purim peoples!

My walk home with the pt

2009-03-04T18:49:00.001-08:00

Why me?

*We begin walk home from school, taking the Roosevelt route instead of keefe. Not long after we disembark, the pt is having the time of her life splashing through muddy puddles.

ME: pt, don't splash through muddy puddles.

PT: why?

ME: because you'll get your boots all muddy

PT: they were muddy ever since recess!

ME: yeah, well don't splash in any more puddles, okay?

PT: no

soon she ran out of puddles and had to 'degrade' to side walk status anyway. So anyway, we continue walking and get around the corner onto 53rd street when the pt stops me yet again.

PT: iguana, can we stop?

ME: no, why?

PT: because I have to tie my shoe

ME:.....

ME: pt, you're wearing boots.

PT: oh yeah. I have to tie my boots.

ME: why can't you just wait till we get home?

PT: because the laces are getting all muddy.

ME: now, if we hadn't splashed in the muddy puddles, our laces wouldn't be muddy, would they?

PT: yes they would

ME: how so?

PT: well, I could've just been walking all the time in the field looking at my feet, and then I would've stepped in a puddle and it would get muddy on the ice anyway!

ME: ....?

PT: (walks away)

So this continues about halfway through till we get to Roosevelt and are ready to cross when the pt points our some vital observations.

PT: see that pile of dirt, on top of that pile of snow?

ME: yeah?

PT: it looks like a dinosaur.

ME: I dunno..it looks more like a frog to me.

PT: maybe it's a dinofrog?

ME: let's just get going.

And so our journey comes to a close. At least, until we get inside the house and the pt refuses to pull off her boots using her hands. And since she has a bladder with the capacity of a teaspoon, she is rapidly thrashing on the floor of the front hall, screaming and trying to fling her boots off, and of course, refuses to let me help.

That's it for tonight folks. Really. That's it. Get lost.

Avatar change to something more suitable

2009-02-25T18:52:00.000-08:00

you knew it was coming

I drew a little picture of meself!

My brother took my cheez-its

2009-02-22T19:28:00.000-08:00

Outofammo, if you ever find your way to my blog, which you never read anymore, I hate you.

I am waiting for you in a dark alley with a steel baseball bat, and trenchcoat. You are going down.

HOW DARE YOU TAKE MY FAVORITE SNACK WITHOUT PERMISSION!!!!!

DO YOU REALIZE THAT'S THE ONLY GOOD SNACK WE HAVE?!!?!?!?!?!?!

I had to plead with mom for like a MILLION YEARS for her to FINALLY buy those crackers, and then YOU came along and TOOK them before I'd even HAD ANY!!!!!!!

I HATE YOUR GUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

-ps, don't ever show your face around here again.

Recess is overrated

2009-02-17T16:48:00.000-08:00

Ghess waht?

Yes I'm on my compy again. This thing is WAY too hard to write on, mainly because for some reason, my desk is the coldest place on earth. I would really like to somehow move this desk out of the frozen basement wasteland and into my snug little room that needs to be cleaned, BUT it's quite not possible because it has a computer attached to it.
It would be cool if I could move the computer into my room too, but then I wouldn't be able to play Laura Bow, because there's no way on EARTH I'm gonna play that alone in my room late at night. But down here with Psychotoddler and the PT is okay.

I'm gonna get my own laptop next year!!! Ho yeah! It turns out Ima genius, and that I will be qualified to take highschool courses next year, and to do that I'm joining an internet acadamy. Cool, huh? So I'm gonna get my own laptop, and be able to read whatever I want, whenever I want. One of the main courses (not like 'food' main course) I was really psyched about taking was 'psychology'. I find the study of human nature VERY interesting, and sometimes it even helps me solve promblums with my friends! It's cool.

Now, about recess. Why I hate recess. Oh, I'll TELL YOU WHY I HATE RECESS!!!

minor promblums
-it's boring
-the gym smells (and yes, we ALWAYS go to the gym)
-there's no where to sit down, so you're always uncomfortable
-a waste of time. I mean, a fifteen minute break where you can just wonder around the 3rd floor would be more enjoyable. We have a piano, computers, DESKS FULL OF STUFF! and yet people want to go down to the gym instead.

Major promblums
-the idiots who always want to go down to the gym want to go down so they can play elimination. This is like the worst game I have EVER heard of. The whole point is to HIT PEOPLE WITH A BALL, and to a lesser degree, HIT PEOPLE WHO AREN'T PLAYING WITH THE BALL. So you can see why I hate it.
-fact: if you want into the gym, you will get hurt.
-2 out of 4 days in a school week, a little fifth grade idiot (who of course, plays elimination) will get socked in the head and need to go to the office.
-the people who DO actually play elimination, do nothing but complain about how long they've been out. When that's not good enough, they accuse random players of cheating, and then everything just goes kabBLAM.

my point: WHY THE HECK DO WE PLAY THIS GAME?!?!?!?!?
it's annoying to itself and everyone around it!

this is why I think recess would be a lot more fun if we were actually allowed to stay on the 3rd floor instead of going to a stinky old gym so little snot nosed fifth graders can bean us with basket balls. (you assumed they used rubber balls. That is a mistake. They use BASKET balls so it hurts more when you get hit.)

By the way, I'm not going to recess tomorrow and nothing anyone can say will make me.

Things that are happening

2009-02-10T14:29:00.000-08:00

first of all, how about this warm weather! It's like, sixty degrees out there! And you know what the funny thing is? IT'S ONLY FEBUARY! Oh yeah. Life is pretty awesome.

Now, on to buisseness.

I GOTS ME A PIANO TEACHER!
yes I do. Piano is the in thing these days. Ever since the 8th graders got that grand piano moved in there (like 5 years ago), people have been playing it like crazy. Even people who can't play piano. And they sound horrible. Anyways, I love to play, and I took lessons a while ago, so I know how. It used to be I could just print the sheets off the internet, then stand them up against my run down little brown piano and start playing. But alas, the sheets have gotten much harder, and I'm not exactly an expert at expert piano playing. So I mentioned this to my mom, and one day she shows up with the big news:

"I found you a piano teacher. She is russian. You will need to try really hard to understand her, but it's totally worth it."

This got me thinking:

piano teacher+ russian+ really bad accent + playing for 30 years = uh oh.

Now, I know what you're all going to say. dam l'kaschoos! But even so, I had a lot of time to think about it. So my mom said to prepare something to play for her, so she knows what I can do. I picked a song that I was comfortable with, starsong of course, and began to practice.

A few days later, the day of the meeting the piano teacher arrived. I nervously climbed into the backseat of my dad's car and tried to listen to my dad's country music, which he happened to be playing on maximum volume. Note: never try this again. Those songs got stuck in my head the whole Chumash test the next day.

Anyway, when we got there, we climbed to the top of a stairway, with was littered with high school kids who looked like they might be sleeping, and entered one of the apartments. There our ears were assaulted by a fast and violent piano melody. I sheepishly entered the next room (big and empty except for one piano in the center of it, in use). And there was my teacher, still russian. After exchanging some words with my parents, she invited me to take a seat on the piano seat with her. She then said:

"Now play for me something, so I can see what you can do."

And so I did. Of course I started off on the wrong note. But after that I went through the whole song without a single mistake. And then the lessons began. They weren't so bad, except she kept pronouncing third as 'firvd', so I kept getting first and third finger confused. But other than that, she was okay.

and now I don't feel like writing anymore. I think I'll go apply more ointment to my knuckles for a while.

My hands are cracking up

2009-01-26T15:00:00.000-08:00

*BLOG POST SOLELY ABOUT CHAPPED HANDS AND THE FACT THAT IT'S ALREADY JANUARY WITHOUT A POST. PLEASE LEAVE IF THIS IS NOT YOUR THING.*

Wow, it's been a while since my last post. Mainly because when I blog, I use my own compy on the white desk in the good ol' basement, and it takes a while for the letters to show up. And my fingers usually freeze on the keyboard, and then I have to snap them.

But you know what makes frozen fingers even WORSE? cracked up, bleeding, chapped knuckles. Yes that's right, the winter chill has found a way through my ultra-extra-super-duper-padded gloves and into my skin. Upon reaching my skin it took out a shovel and started trenches or something, because it REALLY HURTS whenever I flex my knuckles, or fingers (they are attached to my knuckles).

So I tried to put on lotion. Unfourtunatly, when I tried to take my hand lotion with me to New York last week, the bottle squirted all over my suitcase, and Mrs. B made me throw it out. So now I'm livin off a much-more-empty-than-you-think bottle of "love spell" flavored cream, and I think it's days are quite numbered. Like, single digits.

And one more thing:
IT HURTS. A LOT. I WISH MY HANDS DID NOT HURT THAT MUCH WHEN I USE THEM. WHICH IS A LOT.

(I made a post!)

Why we should have a snow day

2008-12-15T19:29:00.001-08:00

1) because it's -16 degrees out there and I don't feel like trudging to school on mountains of cement-like snow covered in black ice.

2) because there's so much ice out on the street it'd be safer for everybody if they didn't go to school.

3) because it happens to be snowing and I don't want to catch anything deadly. Like snowflu. (trust me, it's real)

4) because it's really cold in the kitchen.

5) because school is so stressful I think everybody just needs to sleep in for once.

6) because I don't feel like getting up in the mornings.

7) because there's a lot of snow everywhere and the bus won't be able to bring all them poor eastsiders back home.

8) because I want to.

The world in crisis

2008-12-08T14:59:00.000-08:00

Artwork!

2008-11-30T10:56:00.001-08:00

Yonina did this one: I did these ones:

No, seriously man, color war

2008-11-29T16:13:00.001-08:00

*in a sing-song voice*

Two teams,
Peace and love,
I was on the team,
that didn't have fun,
Team Shalom, as it was called,
had about the same amount of achdus,
as a soggy old pond,
We fought and bickered,
and didn't get along,
while the other team, ahava,
worked well all night long,
I wasn't there,
at the sleepover that night,
but I was told by my friends,
it gave them quite a fright,
points were taken away,
for things that were lost,
and post-it-notes not turned in,
definatly cost us,
Instead of the achdus,
our teachers invisioned,
people spoke lashon hora,
about other's decisions,
while many tried hard,
to practice our songs,
others went off and grumbled,
our team didn't get along,
finally the war was over,
results came in,
when Shalom lost,
even more complaints were brought in,
the judges favored ahava,
they did say,
but really they were all just sour,
for they didn't get their way,
I went home,
with a happy heart,
I didn't know who won,
for my hearing had stopped,
It was a tragic day,
when my eardrums blew,
I was trying to eat lunch,
while my teamates screamed all the way through,
all in all,
I'm glad it's over,
because right now,
my head is killing me.

PS: my ears are fine, I know you were worried.

Color War

2008-11-27T16:49:00.001-08:00

It happened.

Fellow Citizens

2008-11-22T20:06:00.000-08:00

people, citizens, whatever you want to be called. Something very important has come to my attention. Let's start from them beginning, shall we?

EXHIBIT A: SUNDAY
sunday was actually pretty good. Outofammo was sick, and throwing up. And so he stayed home with the PT and me, which I thought was pretty awesome, mainly becuz he felt better in a few seconds and drew pictures of superman with us. Everything in sunday went exactly right, down to the last fun-coated-minute, and I went to bed feeling fine.

EXHIBIT B: MONDAY
Okay, I woke up (again) feeling fine. I ate some breakfast. I got dressed in my school uniform. I sang while I washed the dishes. And thats when it hit me. I'm telling you, it's like somebody was pounding my stomach. It was hard to breathe a little even. So I told my mom I wasn't feeling so well, and she gave me enough ibuprofen to kill a horse. I took these pills in a little bag and a small cup of pudding and went to school. At approximatly 8:45 AM, I staggered to the bathroom to take the pills. I opening the pudding and stuck some pills in the first bite and jammed it into my mouth and swallowed hard. I remember thinking at that point 'hey. That wasn't so hard.'

It was then I threw up all over teh counter.

After a while, somebody got a teacher and I went down to the office and fell asleep in the waiting chair. (there are many legends about the waiting chair that I may or may not divulge later) I felt horrible for the rest of the day.

EXHIBIT C: WHERE I PIECE THE EVIDENCE TOGETHER

Now, you are all probably wondering why I just told you all that. Well, while I was sick, a friend of mine called who lives far away. I told her I was sick, and she told me her whole FAMILY was sick of strep throat. This is what aroused my suscipicion. Once I began to feel better (which was later that week) I sent out emails to my other friends living elsewhere in the world, and also talked to my mother. As I expected, all reported that there were many sick people in their community who were suffering from sore throat, stomach flu, dirriah, and all kinds of other ailments. I flicked on the news where they were openly announcing who won the "least healthy city in America" (somewhere in North Dakota, I think. The city I mean, not America.) But still news of even more sick people everywhere reached me. Even in books I was reading, people were constantly suffering from illness.

My fellow Americans, this is more than mere coincidence.

Something is happening to our planet. This may be hard to believe, but something is wrong in the world. Perhaps this is the reason for our faltering economy. But whatever it is, I believe it is a prelude to something big. Something is coming! Aliens? The apocolpsye? Moshiach? Whatever it is, it is causing many, MANY people to suddenly become sick. My humble Americans, this calls for drastic action. Do you want to be the last one on the block to know when the jig is up? Come on! We must prepare for war! Grab your torch and pitchfork, let's beat this thing head on! This could be a divine signal!

Or it could be those five tubes of yogurt I just ate.

The time of my life

2008-11-16T14:44:00.000-08:00

Okay, the TAM retreat happened this thursday. It was AWESOME! it also took two days, so I'm gonna do this as briefly as possible:

DAY 1)
A lot of stuuf happened on day 1. Trust me. First of all, before we even got on the bus to get on the resort, my carpool was fifteen minutes late. So I just sat in our living room, thinking it will probably never come and I'll have to spend the whole day at home.

So once, we finally got to TAM, we were just sat around waiting for EVERYONE ELSE to get to tam. So while we were waiting, I thought I'd check out their piano. I play a KILLER piece on piano, let me tell you. Ask Pyschotodler. He can hook you up with one of my master pieces. Unless you live with me. Then get lost. Anyway, I started playing on their piano a really nice song, it was very long though. I didn't even notice the hordes of high-schoolers collecting around me. In fact, I didn't notice until the end, where they all started applauding. It was then I fell off the chair backwards, no joke.

So after the piano incident, we got on the bus. I clocked the ride, it was 3 hours. IT WAS THAT LONG! I think I died a few times, because I rarely remember anything about the ride there except it was extremly boring. So yeah. Escpecially because my entire class was on the other bus, and I somehow got stuck with all the tam girls. So yeah.

Once we finally arrived at "the lodge" we were all assinged our rooms. Luckily for me, I got put in a room with my friends! I even did a little dance. So then we got a few minutes to unpack and get settled. Then we all went downstairs for some speeches that I found quite boring. Then we playd a game where you had to get someone else to answer questions about themselves, but I found that boring also. After that, we went outside to play a game called "Russian Passport." You had to go around to each of the boothes (countries) and do an activity. For each activity, you get a stamp. You win when your card is filled with stamps, but if you run into a "border watch" they take all your stamps away.

After this exciting game, we went to the gym to do literally nothing. I mean, really. We just sat around. So my friends and I took pictures of stuff and a movie of someone putting chopsticks in their hair. Then my friend took a picture of me strangling someone. Yeah....

Then, we ate lunch. Boy, I have never EVER had a lunch so good. I mean, there was Chicago pizza, garlic bread, a salad bar, strawberries with cream, and even dessert! Chocolate ice cream with gram crackers! I mean, this was AMAZING!!!

Then we went to a "workshop". Workshop, is another way of saying "Boring lecture that goes on for an hour." I'm not sure why they did this on a retreat, but we had three of them. Man oh man, those things were so boring, a piece of LETTUCE might have been more interesting. At least to me.

Now, it was getting dark outside, around 4:00. And it was raining cats and dogs. So you had two options. You could
a) go on a hay ride
b) have free time

Obviously, I chose free time. I which I went down to the basement and played elimination with my friends. Then I went upstiars and drew an AWESOME picture. I'm telling you, this is the best picture of my career. So we had free time for two hours until supper. Supper was, basically, a hot bowl of soup, a piece of kugel, and a heaping plate ful of brisket. Pretty cool. So it was around 8:00 now. We had an activity which was: We were each assigned into little groups, which were then assigned countries. We had to present a banner, skit and food. I was stuck with France, and making the banner. France. Seriously. So I went out in the pouring rain to the gym, where I had very few sharpes to work with. I starting sketching out the Eifel tower and some french flags. Luckily, someone in our group could speak french, and I think that won us th banner award. Or it was some funny thingsI said when presenting it. It could be either. But we won the banner awards.

After this, we sat around the campfire and sang nice songs. And while we were singing nice songs, we cooked smores on the fire. For all you strange people out there who are behind the times, a smore is a gramcracker with meltled chocholate ad marshmallows inside. So anyway, while all this Achdus was happening, someone pulled the prank of the century. I don't know who it was, but SOMEBODY threw a giant rubber tranchula out onto the field, and EVERYBODY screamed their heads off. It was hilarous!!! The tranchula was later found to belong to the management. Funny how that worked out. So I played a soft song on the piano while everyone ate their smores, and then we went to bed. We didn't go to bed I mean, we went back to th lodge. We were SUPPOSED to go to bed, but that's never stopped anyne before. So I went downstairs and played with my friends again. Until the penguin parade showed up. Some girls dressed up as penguins for some reason, and ran around the lodge. So I joined the penguin parade. We paraded around for a good solid hour. I went to go eat some cake and soda after the parade. Then I went to my room to talked even more with my friends to a good 2:00 AM in the morning. At that time, I went into the lobby of the lodge where a strange-dancing-musical kinda movie was playing. To make a long story short, I went to bed at 2:45 AM.

DAY 2)
To make another long story short, we went home.

Breakfast was awesome, pancakes with chocolate melted inside, toast, and strawberries. The bus was three hours late, and I drew another awesome picture.

Well, thatsa my story. Now I have to go, this keyboard is REALLY annoying me.

Oh. Steven.

2008-11-09T16:26:00.001-08:00

Okay, so you can barely see it. That's not my fault. But we should concentrate on the fact that I think this is the best picture of my career, and if it was dark enough, I think I'd use it for my avatar. And I drew it ALL BY MYSELF!!! I'M SO HAPPY!!!! Unfourtunatly, the colors didn't come out so great....neither did the pictures.....

you know what? They need to invent better scanners these days!

CUT!

2008-11-01T18:22:00.000-07:00

Hey people? Guess what I have to do?

Yup, you guessed it, I have to write a play! About Korach! Yeah...So here's goes a scene!

(we see Korach (played by short girl with long black hair and cotton ball beard) in dusty tent sitting on a bench. Many bichorim (played by maniacle 1st graders) are gathered at his feet, listening to his speech.)

KORACH: (getting comfortable on bench) So, my young fellows. What's up?

BACHOR #1: the sky?

BACHOR #2: the annania hacovode?

BACHOR #3: gas prices?

KORACH: (sighing) no, no, no. I'd just like to ask you all. Do you like your current jobs?

BACHOR #1: Oh yes, it's very nice.

BACHOR #2: (nodding) yeah, can't complain.

BACHOR #3: mine gives out free sodas!

KORACH: Now think about it. Are these very honorable jobs?

BACHOR #1: nah...

BACHOR #2: not really...

BACHOR #3: (pondering) is being a popcorn vender honorable?

BACHOR #1: no, it kinda makes people want to strangle you.

BACHOR #2: yeah, ecspecially when you scream at the top of your voice 'POPCORN!!!!'

BACHOR #3: Oh...

KORACH: do you think it's unfair that other people get better jobs than you?

BACHOR #1: yeah...

BACHOR #2: uh-huh...

BACHOR #3: I'm hungry!

KORACH: What if I gave you a better job?

BACHOR #1: huh?

BACHOR #2: What kind of job?

BACHOR #3: is it better than being a popcorn vender?

KORACH: Well, say, a job in the mishkan?

BACHOR #1: That would be pretty cool..

BACHOR #2: but I thought Moshe took away our right to work in the mishkan...

BACHOR #3: I wonder if they would let me sell popcorn INSIDE the mishkan...

KORACH: Exactly. Moshe took away your right to work in the mishkan and gave it to the leviyim. Do you know why?

BACHOR #1: no, why?

BACHOR #2: why?

BACHOR #3: didn't it have something to do with the golden whats-it thing?

KORACH: (ignoring bachor #3) because HE's a levi, and his BROTHER is a levi. Moshe wanted all the glory, and he wanted glory for his brother also, so he took away your kahoona.

BACHOR #1 & 2: gasp!

BACHOR #3: but I thought he was our leader!

KORACH: If I were leader, I would make sure the bachorim would get all the honor, and you wouldn't be stuck with lowly jobs like a popcorn vender!

BACHOR #1: yeah!

BACHOR #2: let's go! Down with Moshe!

KORACH: yes...join me, and together we will rule the galaxy!!!!

BACHORIM: (confused)

KORACH: sorry, just my alter ego, there....

BACHOR #1: anyway, he's right! Moshe cheated us!

BACHOR #2: Yeah! Vote Korach!

BACHOR #3: Down with the emperor!!

BACHORIM & KORACH: (staring blankly at #3)

KORACH: there's work to be done! Come my fellow citizens!

(we see KORACH and BACHORIM 1 &2 march off out of the tent. 3 is left standing there)

BACHOR #3: um...

(awkard silence)

BACHOR #3: yeah.......I'm still cool....

(end scene)

by the way, i'm pretty sure bachor #3 was the voice of reason. I have the sudden urge to gnaw my fingers.

Ha-artwork Sheli!!!!

2008-10-16T16:22:00.000-07:00

IT'S COMING!!!!!

Just be patient! i am currently locked in a battle of wits with Mrs.B's picture scanner-thingy. hoLD ON!!!!

Downloads 'n' stuff!!

2008-10-07T14:50:00.000-07:00

Like the 'n'? I HATE those things! I find them on teh backs of cereal boxes all the time! Anyway, these past few days I have been struggling to re-download all the stuff back onto my computer after Rafi blew up the previous one. Yeah. Blew up. Can you believe that guy? No really, he didn't blow it up. SORRY RAFI, I DIDN'T MEAN IT!

Anyway, I used to have a kickawesome compy over here, on this white desk in that little corner of the basement and it had all kinds of cool stuff. A word processer, animation builder, slow graphics, no memory, and other cool things. But best of all was the games. That old thing could run games from 1985! and I had about a gazillion of them:

Laura Bow 1
Laura Bow 2
King's Quest 4
Sailor Moon: The Moon Princess
Klik 'n' play
hungry hedgehogs! (helped pt with her math skills!)

So one day I come home and see Rafi disassembling the compy. He tells me he is upgrading. Well, here I am, clackety-claking on the new comps, and it's not half bad, I can't complain. The only downside is that now all my old games are GONE!! So I have to find them again, and make them compatable to the system. Wish me luck!!

Plus, I got tons of sweet music.....(shifts eyes nervously)...want some?

Thinking about writing stuff

2008-10-04T17:55:00.000-07:00

Guess who feels like writing a short anecdote for absolutely no reason at all? No, it was me. I like writing, and I'm always looking for ways to improve, but I have a teensy problem. I don't like it when people criticize my writing. It discourages me. So right around now, 7:59 pm Saturday night, I am sitting at the white desk in the basement, bundled up in a fluffy quilt because the basement (cellar?) is very very cold, my long, bony fingers tapping the rusty (do keyboards rust?), definitely inoperable keys of the compy, as the pt attempts to play The Sims2, and talk to herself. Sometimes she talks to me, but that's only when she either wants to complain about something, or show me her unique taste in furniture and interior design (prison camp). Currently, she is creating her family, starting with the family name. The Snore family. As of three minutes ago, it consists of a single adult female proudly christened 'Rhino'. But enough about the pt, there is something I forgot to mention. I'm in my pajamas. Now I would really like to be in my shabbos robe, but due to the forces of nature, who continue to mock me, my robe has fallen into a toilet. So yeah. I bet you're all wondering how that happened, so I will tell you in my crisp anecdote writing properties:

Flash back italic font!!!!

I laughed tiredly as I thrust my ice-cold key into the lock of our front door. After an exhausting day with my friends, I was about ready to 'retire for the evening,' and finish reading my hilarious Dave Barry book, while enjoying the comfort of my blue and white velvet Shabbos robe, which despite having several holes in it, still holds an admirable position of "good as new!". The comforting heat of the house welcomed me as the door slowly creaked open, and I escaped the evening chill. I quickly unzipped my jacked and tossed it on the couch, stretching my stiff arms, tired from being jammed in my pockets the whole walk home. I was rather exhausted and hot, so I decided 'now' was a good time to execute my plan. I slipped out of my 'somewhat two sizes too big' hand-me-down shoes and jogged up the stairs to my room. Since I had not used the bathroom since lunch that day, and it was 6:05 pm, I figured it would be a good time to use it while I changed. So I take my robe down from its hanger, and take my 'medical-required (yes I'm stretching the truth)-back-brace-enduring-super-stretchy-shirt to put under it and began my three foot march to the upstairs bathroom. But in the five seconds it would have taken me to get to it, my father somehow beat me to it and locked the door.
"Rats," I muttered, "I guess I'll have to go downstairs then..."
(yes I talk to myself, but that's okay!) So I go back downstairs and head to the bathroom. Getting inside, I lock the door. Now let me cover the schematics of this here bathroom. It's about two feet wide. It's got a toilet and a sink, both crammed into each other. Clearly there was no room to change in here, but that's never stopped me before. So I put my robe in the sink (which was dry, thankfully) and did my business. Like an ordinary person, (excluding the pt) I washed my hands and flushed. However, as I was washing my hands, with soap I might add, mother nature lashed out at me and caused my robe to tip over sideways towards the toilet, just it began the clean water began to bubble up at the top and it emits a kind of 'sigh' only another toilet could understand.
"No!!" I moan in slow motion as the head of my robe thrusts itself into the water, instantly soaking itself. With my dripping wet hands, I grasp the end of the robe, but alas, it is too late.
"NOOOOOOOO!!!!" I scream as I hold the robe in my arms like a dying child. "WHY?!!!" My plans for this evening have been permanently canceled, going on vacation somewhere with my dignity. Because ironically, this same situation happened to the pt a few weeks ago where somehow her skirt fell in the toilet, although I don't know the details there. Wearing my brace shirt, I gather up the dirty clothes and beautiful, but now toilet-stained robe, and sadly toss them down the chute.
"At least the water was clean..." I grumble. At this point I stomp downstairs to go get some pants, as shabbos would be over in about forty-five minutes, I thought wearing pants for the rest of it would be considered OK. Then I flop down on the spare bed in the basement and begin to mourn the loss of such a beautiful robe, which I went through tons of trouble to sort out and clean after Rosh Hashana.

Well, that's that. I wish to inform all you readers out there that the robe is making a steady recovery, and should be back by yom kipur.

Just a quick reminder

2008-10-02T13:43:00.000-07:00

Fasting = bad

An ode to autumn

2008-09-27T18:43:00.000-07:00

A poem I wrote during LA.

The leaves blow past,
A rainbow of colors,
the crisp wind blows sharp and fast,
the grass snuggles under,
a blanket of leaves,
as the tree grows bear at last.

Squirrels can be seen,
scurrying about,
collecting food for the winter,
one climbs up a hollow tree,
a stack of nuts peeks out from behind her.

the honking of geese,
can be heard from above,
chatting endlessly as they fly,
almost as if they too are remembering,
memories of a summer gone by.

Some children play while others work,
raking the endless leaves,
mothers bundle them up warmly,
in coats, sweaters, and flease.

Autumn is a beautiful season,
filled with gold, silver and bronze,
I only hope its beauty stays frozen,
in my mind, forever and always....

I'm back!!!!!

2008-09-25T14:50:00.000-07:00

I'm back! And improved in many ways! How do you like the make-over? I decided the stuff from last year was slightly boring. Wow, am I GLAD to be out of 6th grade! That place stunk, majorly. 7th grade is WAY more awesome. My favorite privilege, of the many I have been granted, is two break periods instead of recess!! Really now, I didn't need recess. Break is awesome! It's just us, 8th grade, and the 3rd floor, no midget 5th graders moving around. You can do anything! Mostly, I go to 8th grade and play piano, or screw up their computers. That's fun! Other times I head over to the ol' bean bag and take a hearty nap. Yeah, someone brought in a plush purple bean bag, and I LOVE that thing. I sleep on it sometimes. The other thing I like is being heralded by queen by the younger grades. Why is it everyone looks up to 7th graders? Well, somehow I seem to have accumulated my own fanclub, because everywhere I go I have 5th, 4th, and sometimes even 3RD graders on my tail. They're always trying to get a peek in my sketch diary, where I keep my AMAZING TOO COOL pictures that I draw during class. Someday I'll get them up here, you just wait. So anyway, I usually have to shoo them off with a broom or something, because if I don't, they keep telling me:
"Wow!"
"They're SOOO GOOD!!"
"How'd you learn to draw like that? Did you take lessons?"

I just don't have the heart to tell them all off, though. Whatever. More cool things about 7g. I get to write a lot more! I love writing, especially short stories and such.

On a slightly different note, Fudge came home today. Yay! Don't tell her I said that though....Nah, she doesn't check this blog anyway. Phew! I wonder what she thinks about me....When I cleaned the house a while ago, she seemed pretty happy. Whatever, it's not like she's gonna be here that long, right? I bet I'm feeling happy she's home because I've spent at least 4 break periods trying to piece together her yearbook. The pages are just kind of fluttering around 8th grade, trying to get me to catch them and stuff them in a bag. Which I might do. Someday. All the people in that thing are like, MARRIED! Some of them are even working in the actual school!

I plan to pour my feelings into this blog, and exercise my 1st person writing skills. If I even have any. I have REALLY good 3rd person skills, I know that! But writing a blog in 3rd person would be kind of awkward.

Bye bye!

The lil navigator

2008-07-03T08:08:00.000-07:00

As I may have already said, I'm going to university school now, and it's VERY hard to get to. Okay, not THAT hard, but pretty hard because it's really far away and there are a lot of different key turns and ramps that we keep missing. Everyday, either fudge, rafiki, or 30.cal will drive the PT and me to school. (yes that is correct grammer). However, today was different. I know how to get there because I've memorized already the turns and everything, but my brother wasn't quite sure. For some reason, he forgot which turn to take and we drove for 15 minutes in the opposite direction we were supposed to be going.

"er...Are you sure we're supposed to be going this way? I'm pretty sure we should've been going north on sherman..."
said I.
"Really?" said my brother.
"Oh boy! Look at that gas meter!"

Yes indeed we were nearly out of gas. So we stopped at a gas station, my bro got out and I think he tried to hook up the gas pipe to the car when a loud beeping noise emitted from the machine. He re-entered the car a moment later and said:
"This gas station doesn't work, let's try another one."

So we keep looking and we find another one eventually. We spent a total of three seconds in there when we figured out the pumps all said

"NO CARD, CASH ONLY"

So we kept looking, the gas meter dwindling all the way. At this point, I was very concerned. It was 9:00, we were at least three miles in the wrong direction, and out of gas. Of course none of this bothered the PT.

"Are we there yet?" she asked repeatdly, "When are we gonna get there? Helllllllloooooooo!!!!????"
Eventually we found a working gas station. However, we were there for at least twenty minutes because the attendant wouldn't let my brother pay for the gas with my father's card because, quote 'you not him!'. All this time, I was trying to entertain the PT by singing "banana phone."

me: ring ring ring ring ring ring ring, banana phone!

pt: er....

me: ping pong ping pong ping pong ping, ponana phone!

pt: um...

me: I've got this feeeeling, it's so a-pealing,

pt: er..this is boring

me: for all of us to get together and sing, SING!

pt: singing is boring, iguana

me: ring ring ring ring ring ring ring, banana phone!

pt: STOP! I don't even know the words to this song!

me: oh.

pt: look, iguana, why don't we just sit around and do nothing, okay?

me: but that's BORING!

pt: well, that's what I wanna do, so we're gonna do it, OKAY?!

me: all right....

Sooner or later, bro showed up and I directed him to the right track and we got to camp an hour later. Happy ending!

skirts, knees, and a bit of black magic

2008-06-28T19:57:00.000-07:00

First off, I have a strike that last one. There will be no movie, because PT and outofammo really didn't want to. Or it may be the other way around, but anyway, the movie isn't coming. Sorry folks!

Second off, I have a problem. Summer is all up ons, and I'm definatly NOT going to wear a long black, cotton skirt. So around the time of the WITS graduation, Mrs.B took me shopping (although this was HER idea, not mine). We got all kinds of short skirts that I thought were really perky. We got a blue one, a tan one, a pink one, and a black and white one. I tried them on, and they kinda of fell down my waist, but it was okay with me. They still fit, and I was REAL happy. So the next shabbos I proudly wore the tan skirt and a buttoned pink shirt. At first, I really liked the length, how it wasn't too long, or too short. But Mrs.B saw how it looked and said it was sagging to one side, so she pinned it up. We stabbed it with three pins, and they did manage to make the skirt feel really tight, but also really short. When we got to shull, I was really nervous. I thought the skirt was ridiculosly short and that everyone could see past my knees, which isn't tzinious. I was always in the bathroom adjusting it, and it's getting me really paranoid, But I really like the style of the skirt, and it was SOOO cute!

Those who have experience with short skirt problems, please advise. I know this isn't the way you're supposed to post on a blog, but I'm desperate! I want to see what other people think because whenever I ask my family they all tell me 'no, it fits perfectly.'

Coming soon....

2008-06-26T08:19:00.001-07:00

I'm in university school right now as I'm typing this. We have to make a movie and still have twenty minutes left of class. Here's what I'M doing for my movie.

COOL GUY (PT) VS THE EVIL GRIL (outofammo).

It's gonna be the best thing ever! I don't know where to shoot though. I was thinking of going to YES to shoot now that there arn't any classes there now, but no. I've just decided, I'm going to shoot in our backyard.

COMING SOON....

The end is near!

2008-06-03T17:59:00.000-07:00

This is a cause for celebration! The school year is ending! Unfourtunatly, the school feels before the student's hour of freedom, they must undergo the torture and agony of before the end of school exams! this is a cause for hiding under the bed and refusing to go to school until the revolution comes. Or at least until 3:30 comes. Anyway, these papers of pain are the last tests before school is over. In my case, I have to study for ALL my subjects in one night the day before testing. I guess most people plan study groups or review sheets, or study every night for a week before a test or something, but I guess I'm not one of those sensible people.

However, this is only half of the problem. Since I enjoy writing anicdotes instead of just plain stating my ideas, the following is what I imiagine the last day of school will be like:

BBBBBRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAANNNNNGG!!! Finally, the bell rang. At 1:30, the final bell of the year had finally rang for Yeshiva Elementary School, and it was as if everyone could here it. On the third floor of the building, in the 6th grade classroom, chaos reinged supreme. Most of the girls were dancing and screaming 'schools out!' Some girls were huddled in a corner by the open window casually talking about plans for the summer, and even more girls were packing their bags and joking among themselves as if a normal school day had just ended and they were to go home and do tons of homework. I was probably in the last group. Quietly, I slung my backpack over my shoulders and left the classroom I had learned in for the past ten months. I opened the door of the stairway and raced down the steps, suddenly running at the speed of light. It had finally dawned on me that school was over and I wouldn't be coming back until next year, and then it'd be in the 7th grade classroom with all new teachers and classmates.
I burst out the entrance to the school building and met the warm breeze of the outdoors. The sun shone and there was not a cloud in the sky, the perfect day. The PT sat frowning in a corner.
"I've been waiting here for a million years!" she pouted, "you could have at least TOLD me you'd be taking forever!"
Too happy to be annoyed, I grabbed her hand and cheerfully skipped away from the school I had come to so many times. Soon we got home and once I'd reached the door I threw down my backpack, sped up the stairs to my room and took off my school uniform as if it was made of poisen. Personally, I hate uniforms, they're such a drag to wash and look after. Not to mention them being ugly half the time! I changed into play clothes and sat down on my bed for a second. Then I remembered. The happiness that had welled up inside me diminished in an instant. My stomach did a flip-flop as I remembered: I was starting university school next week anyway. I fell back onto my bed and groaned. Guess you can't outrun school after all!

Nuthing lik a colr war

2008-05-25T06:19:00.000-07:00

Since everyone else seems to have already written a PT book, I thought I'd give it a shot. See, 5-8 grade girls recently had a color war (which I was in), so I thought it'd make pretty good for booking (whatever). Here goes!

Nuthing lik a colr war

by igwana

this book belogs to igwana

In the morning, I cheer

My tem dosnt lik to, not vere

the cheerledrs sleep late.

I forgt to poot on my costum

My captn gets mad.

"war aaa my lines is?"
"back in tem bas, that is war it is"

(What's going on on this page?)
(That's me klutzing out during our team themesong)
(What's going on in the cage?)
(that's the judge cage)
(the judge cage?)
(Yeah! the judges like to be up there!)

"AAA!"
"dont wory, we dont hav to memoriz them al today"

(Here I am praticing our cheer)

"Hmm?"
"Wat cind of scor is this?"
"You didnt get a good scor on this gam"
"WUAT?!"

(What's happening on this page?)
(Oh boy, are you gonna quit the team? Do you wanna cheat?)
(No, I think I will stay on the team.)

(What's happening on the next page?)
(dreaming...do..dooo.do..doo..)
(What are you dreaming of?)
(she's dreaming her captains weren't late to the field)

"Urg, wi do i keep getting bad scors?"
"Probabli becuz you dont hav enuf achdoos"

"Hmm...Mabe your cheers ar good
F for 'forgot my lins'
A for 'a jiant hedace.'"

Colr war is mor important
every other day!

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's.....

2008-05-07T19:02:00.000-07:00

It's all of them!!!

Sorry, I just couldn't resist!

I bet I'll regret this later, but whatever. It was fun!

Center- Serena/ Sailor Moon

bottom right- Mina/ Sailor Venus

bottem left- Lita/ Sailor Jupiter

top left- Amy/ Sailor Mercury

top right- Ray/ Sailor Mars

Brace yourself!

2008-04-03T14:38:00.000-07:00

I have gone to the hospital recently. I have also gotten some X-rays recently. Noticed where I'm going with this? Anyways, I have a 'special gene-'disease'' called scoliosis. I think my brother has it, not very. Scoliosis means 'deformed spine' or something like that, but in any case, my spine has got the wrong idea. It thinks that it's supposed to grow to the right for some reason. No matter how much willpower I put into the matter, my stubborn spine will keep on growing backwards, so we'll have to do something about it! Yes that's right, I need a brace. Actually, I already have the brace, and I've been wearing it for a few nights. It's 'Charleston bending nocturnal brace'. That means I only have to wear it at night for a modest 8 hours. Nothing I can't handle. I snap it on with its totally necessary 5 straps and look in the mirror. Much to my surprise, my head is where I expect it to be, but my legs are barely even on the mirror. I am tilting at like a 30 degree angle here. At least, I think I am, I got an A- on my last geometry test. So I shuffled back to my room and tried to climb into bed. Let me say that it is EXTREMELY hard to move around without bending your back in any way. Try it if you don't believe me. So, once I had staggered into bed, I fell asleep, which was surprisingly easy. 2 hours later, I woke up with a screaming desire to take off my brace. This probably had something to do with the killing pain in my side. I ripped the brace off and realized my chest and abdominal area (or thorax as the doctors say) was unusually sweaty. I remember the doctor telling me the brace is supposed to squeeze me so tight, water comes out the other end. 'Expect to loose some weight' he had grinned ' a lot of it'. I have to wear this thing for at least 4 months.

"Could this go on all day and night? It could, you know, and it just might!"
-PD Eastman. Or Doctor Seuss, I don't remember.

An ode to spring

2008-03-26T17:08:00.000-07:00

puddles, puddles, all around,
during spring rains, they can be found,
my little sister jumps about,
landing in the muddiest one, SPLOUCH!

the trees are growing green,
they grow bigger with each passing week,
my sister enjoys trees,
she hugs them rather than play hide-and-seek,

the birds return,
and sing new songs,
my sister points and runs,
singing along,

we sees squirrels climbing,
into the shade of the leaves,
I hear my sister remark,
'is that the chupah?' gleefully,

we ride our bikes,
the wind roars in my ears,
but my sister announces her dislikes,
"the ground is too disagreeable year!"

I see my sister in the backyard,
on the swings, she plays,
while she talks to herself,
about a coloring book maze,

I make my school lunch,
as the spring sun sets,
my sister sits near, hands on her hips,
"what a nice view!" she nipped

This is my ode to spring,
a poem if you will,
spring can be beautiful,
and the PT, wackier still..

Kriah-blunders

2008-03-17T14:49:00.000-07:00

I was reading Kriah with the PT one night, and she wasn't pronouncing the Shvah-nas. So I tried to show her how to do it.

"Here the PT, watch. You go cRIah......tiZIveh......kaMIno...

"Um, iguana? I think you're being too dramatic about this."

A piggybank of world-breaking proportions

2008-03-14T11:53:00.000-07:00

Lately the PT has been scourging the house at questionable hours talking to herself. I decided to investigate before the usual police riot of having to put her to bed. As I sneaked in the shadows, following her every footstep, I was able to pick up some of her lines;

"No, this one won't do at all"
"What does a girl have to do to get a decent one these days?"
"Hmm....I haven't tried iguana's room. Let's try there"

What was she looking for? The question rang in my head. I tiptoed upstairs, as I knew that was her next destination. I crept into my room and hid in the closet. Soon, the PT entered the room, and shouted a few times;

"HEEEEEEELLLLLOOOOOOOO?!"

My parents were out for the night, and when the PT got no response after five or six yodels, she fell silent and flicked on the room's light. She dug around my drawers until finally she let out a triumphant "ah-ha!". I slipped closer to the closet door to see what she had discovered, and she clutched in her hands a small purse. She pounded the purse a few times with her fist, and threw it around the room, enjoying the tingling sound my spare change made inside. Finally, she unzipped the small purse and remarked:

"Hmm....Well, I don't know who's money this is, but I can take it!"

The next morning, I awoke to see the PT sitting calmly on my legs, apparently waiting for me to wake up. She noticed me and screamed "iguana, my wallet is gone!"

I sat up and blinked a few times.
"You had a wallet?"
"Duh! Didn't you ever notice!?"
"um...no....?"
"well, anyway, it's gone! I had all my money in there too!"
"how much money did you have?"
"er....about three pennies, a quarter, and a dime. THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY IGUANA!"
"okay, okay, I'll help you find it."

And the great journey began.....

A Fair Trade?

2008-03-04T13:49:00.000-08:00

pt: Blargh! iguana! You killed my feet! You soaked them to death!

exclaims the pt whilst we walk into the house through the back door.

me: sorry pt. Do you want me to bury them?

pt: no no no. It's no use. They'll never move again!

me: what a shame

pt: well...I suppose they would move again.

me: ?

pt: well...a thousand years from now, someone will probably dig all the dead people up

me: why?

pt: duh! Because in a thousand years, we'll be trading planets with the martians!

me: ?

pt: you wouldn't sell someone a planet full of dead people, would you?

2008-02-27T14:50:00.000-08:00

Elana,
It's Leah! I told you I'd do it eventually! Sorry, it's not exactly 4:30!
Bye!

Maybe later

2008-02-23T20:06:00.000-08:00

I have too many science, history, geography, and Navi projects to work on. I shouldn't be blogging!

First Class Lunch Brass

2008-02-15T13:31:00.000-08:00

Our class (about 16 girls) has lunch at 12:10 p.m with the seventh grade (about 7 girls) in a lunch room with 10 tables for 10 minutes. That doesn't stop everyone from sitting at thier own table. That's why I made a chart! :)

First Brass; more popular girls; trouble makers: Table one

Us middle class; average students: table four

5th grade; trade table: table six

private table; secrecy tables: table eight

Kindergarden tables; messiest things on earth: table two

So that's about it. I sit at table four with the body of my class. The more popular girls; the trouble makers as some people view them; sit at table one near the microphone. We don't really know why they put that microphone there, but I can guess it's not for 6th graders to play around with. The trade table; or where ever the 5th grade sits; is something that may have bewildered some people. All like: "oh, how could those sweet little children possibly break the rules?!". Well we break them. Most of the time, the trade table is where you will find the beggars, or people who threw away their lunch because they didn't like what their mothers put in it, and go around pleading for scraps of other people's lunches. I, personally, think everyone should make their own lunch, but that's just me. I don't go there often because I'm scared of being mugged. That actually happened once.

I was coming back from the washing room back to table four to eat lunch with my friends. I had expected to trade some crackers for cookies, so I sat down and pulled them out. I saw my friend was near table six, so I went to go get her. It seems she was trading with one of the 5th graders and had just finished. I was almost there when a pint-sized kid snatched the bag of crackers right out of my hand. Then she ran off with them, laughing like a crazy lunitic. I just stood there and watched as she noisly devoured my snack, still shaking with laughter.

Something is wrong with these kids.

So I don't go down there anymore. I still hold a modest trade at table four, but if someone wants me, they'll have to come there. Sometimes we go to table one to trade with the popular kids, but they always have the same foods. The food I believe will one day be American currency: potato chips. If let's say you're playing elimination, and someone tells you to get them in and they'll give you some potato chips, the averege student will accept. I don't take bribes, but I usually don't play elimination either. Bribes can take you a LONG way in the lunchroom, and even give you a seat at table one, but I don't know why you'd want that. All those kids do is make fun of their relatives.

End of post.

It seemed like a fun idea as I typed it.

The new and completely finished story

2008-02-03T09:32:00.000-08:00

When we went to Israel a little while ago, Mrs. B gave me a composision notebook to write down everything I saw and found interesting, But that got pretty boring after a while, so instead I used it to begin writing a little anicdote I started in 3rd grade but never finished, so this time I thought I'd get the whole story. It's called "the chocolate Uranus.". I've still got a few more paragraphs to go, but this is a great story, I chuckle just reading it, although I doubt any readers would, it could be that the things I wrote are only funny to me, but anyway, I hope to get it up soon. But I also might not, it might be too embarresing. It's about a lunitic who lives in the future who decided that aliens live somewhere in the galaxy so he goes to look for them, and ends up taking a wormhole to another galaxy. It's actually the same galaxy, but evreything is made out of food, so they check out Uranus first, but I'm not going to give away the story, because I still don't know if anyone will like it! So if someone wants to hear it, you'll just have to wait a bit for me to finish it. Then I've decided to get it up here in a jiffy.

PS: sorry about any misspellings, the spell check isn't working.

A week full of happiness

2008-01-27T06:28:00.000-08:00

The title describes my winter break. Mostly. Okay not the orthodontist. Brr....That one still gives me the creeps. Unfortunately the PT has done nothing funny except write a book called "Be grand". Shall I rehearse it? P.S, it will be in the PT's spelling:

cover
B GRAND
BY PT
ILUUSSTRATTED(illustrated) BY PT
STAPLED BY MOM

page 1
WUT A NIYSE SKY

page 2
MY NAME IS B

page 3
HO NO! THE SKY IS BING BLOWN UP!

page 4 (picture of a man holding a bug)
HAHA! YU R MY BUG NAW

page 5 (man drops bug)
NO!

page 6 (man crying)
WA! MY HAWS HAS BEN SKWISHINATED (sqwishinated) BY THE GRL!

And from that point on, everything else is illegible. Now we have the PT's book "no no no no".

page 1 (a boy and a rabbi are sitting in shul. The boy begins to cry)
MEISHY, (moshe) ARE YU SCARED OF SOMETHING?

page 2 (boys thought bubble shows thief stealing cheese)
NO, NUTHING AT ALL

page 3 (rabbi looks around)
NAW WERE IS MY SIDDUR?

page 4 (moshe sees thief stealing siddur)
NO!

page 5 (thief leaves shul shouting:
HO

page 6 (thief tries to throw siddur in fire)
NO!

page 7 (moshe catches it)
HA I CAGHT IT read as "hmm, I seem to have caught it"

page 8 (thief tries to grab siddur away)
I GOT IT FRST!

page 9 (siddur rips)
HO NO!

page 10 (girl cries)
JESSICA STORTED TO CRY who's Jessica?

page 11 (Jessica jumps up and down)
I NO! (know)

page 12 (Jessica talks to thief)
HAW DO YOU RASE YOUR HAND IN SKOOL?

page 13 (as thief raises his hands, Jessica cuts them off)
HA GOT YOU

page 14 (shows a picture of a newspaper. It reads
LITL FEETH DEFEETED

page 15 (shows Jessica handing something to rabbi)
THE BOOK IS RIPED rabbi answers SO IT IS, EH?

page 16 (shows rabbi patting Jessica and moshe on the head)
JESSICA AND MOSHE, YOU WER A GRAT HELP, AND A BIG MITSVA TOO!

the end.

So that's where they came from

2008-01-20T10:12:00.000-08:00

Breaking news everybloody! I've finally got straight from the PT where her imagination comes from. I know what you're all thinking: "WUAT?" Well, last Shabbos we were sitting in the basement looking at a globe, and I asked "PT, where does your imagination come from?" and she looked me in the eye and said:

PT: it's a secret, BUT I can tell you where Yoninica is!

Me (getting excited): where?

PT: (points to random spec of land in the center of the south Atlantic ocean) THERE!

me: uh....where?

PT: see? That's how secret it is!

me: but if Yoninica is an unspeakably small island in the middle of an ocean, how did all those badguys get to it?

PT: they swam! DUH!

me: from where?

PT: Africa! Duh!

me: uh...Where in Africa?

PT: downtown

me: where's downtown Africa?

PT: iguana, isn't it obvious? I mean, everyone knows where downtown Africa is!

me: well, I don't

PT: it's somewhere over here (points to Kenya)

me: no, PT that's Kenya

PT: no no no...I'm not pointing to that! I'm pointing to the 'A' in Africa!

me: (trying to comprehend)

A F R I C A

*down town*

So, if anyone plans on making a trip to Africa, don't forget to visit downtown! and watch out for PT's imaginary enemies.

PT the movie critic

2008-01-10T19:01:00.000-08:00

The PT and I were watching a movie called "The Iron Giant" lately. At the end of the movie, the main character is found on a glacier in Greenland. The PT watches this scene and says:

PT: Hey, I know where he is! He's on PLUTO!

iguana: No, actually he's in Greenland, PT.

PT: Huh? Greenland? What planet is that?

Look me in the face and tell me that isn't funny.

Give me a random post

2007-12-30T08:46:00.000-08:00

I have nothing to blog about except homework. Oh-wait! That's not true! I gots the PT and her friend the unstoppable maniac (UM) playing together! It's the best thing yet!

PT: UM, quick! We must hurry if we are to rescue the princess of cave jewels!

UM: but first, we must defeat the evil guardian, jewel maker X!

PT: what?

UM: Urgh! Follow me!

Each maniac picks up a ball or throwable object and charges across the room:

PT: Argh! Help! UM, he's got me! He's got me!

UM: For the princess of cave jewels! ARGHH!!!

So for a while, PT gets stuck, and UM decides that this is boring, so then the Sane One (oddly both friends of PT and UM) shows up and suggests playing catch. The others agree, but it is not long before this game gets out of hand:

UM: Throw it as high as you can! Reach for the sky!

PT: Um....We're indoors, and I can't touch the sky....

SO: Oh, PT, she doesn't really mean it. She just wants you to throw it as high as you can.

PT: Okay...Here I go...and....THROW! (slams ball into the ground)

SO: Nice try PT...okay, now it's my turn! (Throws ball into the chest of UM)

UM: Blargghhh! Here it comes PT! (slams ball into PT's face)

PT: WOAHH! (falls down) Man down! Man down!

SO: Are you okay PT?!

PT: Need help! Need help! my mouth hurts.....

ATTENTION!

2007-12-20T16:28:00.000-08:00

YEARBOOK PICTURES THIS FOLLOWING WEDNESDAY. TRY NOT TO EMBARRASS YOURSELF OR YOUR CLASS. TRY TO LOOK APPROPRIATE. DON'T HAVE A BAD HAIR DAY. PICK A LOCATION NO WHERE NEAR THE 1ST GRADE CLASSROOM, THIS AREA IS OFF LIMITS, DUE TO EXTREME GROSSNESS. MAKE SURE TO WEAR YOUR UNIFORM, BECAUSE YOU SHOULD NEVER BE SEEN IN A YEARBOOK WEARING ANYTHING ELSE. MAKE SURE TO BE AS PLAIN AS POSSIBLE, AND DON'T SMILE DURING THE PICTURES.

In case you haven't figured it out already, yearbook pictures are this Wednesday. Yes, our class had to do them on the carpet in the 1st grade classroom for reasons unknown. I looked acceptable, or so I have been told. I just stuck a headband, but it looked terrible anyway because I decided to have a bad hair day. But I made sure not to smile during the pictures! And I wore my plainest uniform possible, so now I don't stick out! All the classes had to have their pictures taken, but our classes' was the most embarrassing, because the whole school was miraculously given permission to watch. During the actually picture taking, there was much violence and squishifiying. My knees were utterly destroyed by having too many classmates on them, and my arms were squished from also having too many classmates on them. It was a great feat of concentration that I managed to keep a straight face. Okay I admit, it wasn't that bad, but it was pretty bad. Still, I kept all the picture taking rules above, except I wasn't the one selecting the location. I'm glad we got that over with.

Wow....That's a lot of hair

2007-12-16T19:31:00.000-08:00

It's over! It's done! I have finally gone and got my long, nearing waist-length hair cut! I watched as it piled up on the floor in the barber's shop...MUHAHAHAHAHHAHA! It's gone! And now I am proud to say that my hair is neck-length, and curly. Isn't that great? I love it! I don't have to put it up every 5 minutes either. It's great having short hair. Unfortunately, I'm still in the habit of stroking it through, and my fingers continuing several feet from my head, but now they fall right off because there's nothing to stroke. It's also a ton lighter too. I mean, I used to get migraines from my heavy hair before. I hope I'm not boring anyone. This has just been such a happy day for me. At aerobics, we did some good songs and I didn't even have to shvits like crazy, we just took it slow and relaxed and I was comfortable. Yup, today was one of 'dem better days.......*sigh*....

Cool things!

2007-12-04T19:04:00.000-08:00

I've been quite the bookworm lately. I can't stop reading The squire tales books 1-8. I really can't stop reading! I pick it up at the library, and then I read it day and night. I can't even tell you how many times the books have been confiscated for reading during class. However, you can't deny they're helping my writing grades. So far I've got nothing but A's and A-'s. Anyway I can't think of too many things to blog about, so I'll either find a good story or this blog will be taken over by the forces of evil.....Oh whoops! I meant to say the forces of school work, prompts, book reports, charts for reminding me of school work, and possible plans for world destruction.

Whoo! That's a mouthful.

Happy Chanuka Everyone!

A typical morning with the PT

2007-11-10T17:57:00.000-08:00

I wake up to the sound of singing. It is 6:15 a.m Monday morning. I guess that it's the PT, so I check her bed, but she's not there. The singing doesn't stop, and now it's been joined with some drumming. I check underneath my bed and sure enough, there's the PT singing as she smacks the top of my bed with her feet. I decide it'd just be better to go back to bed. It is 7:00. I get up, the PT is still drumming on my bed. I open the door to my bedroom, but I stop when the PT speaks up:

PT: er.. aren't you forgetting something?

iguana: No, what am I forgetting?

PT: uh.. Try the lost drummer

iguana: The who?

PT: Urgh! I meant me! I'm going downstairs, whoever wants to come with me, come with me!

So we troop downstairs in our PJ's. We were trying to teach the PT how to make her own breakfast, so when we got to the kitchen I took out a bowl, a spoon, some milk, and some Cheerios.

PT: er.. I'm hungry

iguana: That's nice to know

PT: uh.. what can I eat?

iguana: it's breakfast time PT, what do you think we're eating?

PT: er........Spaghetti?

iguana: Do you want some cereal PT?

PT: Well, as I always say, "if I am not mistaken, you are correct"

iguana: But PT you rarely ever.....*sigh*...Never mind, what cereal do you want?

PT: uh.. How about fruity pebbles?

iguana: ok, go get a bowl, spoon, and the cereal.

The PT does these things and pours her cereal. Soon she is munching away.

PT: er.. iguana?

iguana: yes PT?

PT: Can I watch some TV?

iguana: no

PT: why not?

iguana: because you haven't brushed your teeth, you aren't dressed, and you aren't ready to go at all

PT: Hmmm......Well iguana, all that *she leans closer to me* could all change....

iguana: yeah.....Ok PT let's keep eating, we'll want to get around to that sooner or later.

Yipee!

2007-10-14T08:11:00.000-07:00

heLLO blOgers! i'M only doing this because I'm super bored and have nothing to blog about except for major algebra homework AnD the pT, witch I'm sure your getting bored of by now. sOOO.... i'VE decided to play around with the color fonts instead!

WARNING-----WARNING----WARNING----WARNING---------

if you have problems with different colors and fonts, please leave the blog NOW! If you like a little variety in your life, continue reding.

WARNING---WARNING-----WARNING----WARNING----------

AdJECTIVES! please don't litter! lard is not cool! i hate algebra! little ittie bittie twiddle bugs

super small a bit bigger pretty big huge HUMONGO!

That last one wasn't a word.

IT'S MINE! IT'S A HUNDRED! SHUT IF OFF!

BOOM! Thank you whoever just shotgunned their computer. Sorry for exploding on you. It is now safe to exit the blog, through the back door.

wine for babies and bees

2007-10-02T13:52:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, Or succah does not have a screen, so bees were able to get in pretty easily. Also unfortunately, they were addicted to wine. We had over that day, Mrs.B's friend and her baby boy. During kiddish, when Pyschotoddler was drinking the wine from the bachar, baby boy asked his mother

"Mommy, I'm thirsty what can I drink?"
" You want some water honey?"
"No, I want wine in my sippy"

Wine. Wine in the sippy cup. Was this little boy expecting to get drunk? Once the wine came out, the bees came in. Apparently, they wanted some wine too. How they planned to drink it, I don't know. But I suppose there's an explanation, seeing as it's sweet. That doesn't explain why the baby wanted wine though. Do they know something we don't? Are there other babies and hives who have huge stocks of wine and grape juice? They said in the paper that the honey bees had disappeared for a short time and now we know why! They were refilling their Joyvin boxes! Whatever you do, don't put any kind of wine in you succah! (unless you're a bee keeper)

"One morning day.....

2007-09-17T14:20:00.000-07:00

iguana came to the couch. She sat down on the couch. Then, all at once, a hungry message came to iguana. The hungry message grabbed iguana's neck and whispered something for only iguana's ears. Then the hungry message went back from the room, to continue his Amish traditions."

-the Pt

Under the Sea

2007-08-08T00:48:00.000-07:00

I'm only typing in blue because I feel like it. No real reason. Anyway, if you've read all the previous blogs, you would know that our family has left for Israel. If you haven't read those blogs, I suggest you get a move on. In Israel, there are so many beaches they are impossible to count and we go to one almost every day. We do plenty of things there, make sand castles, climb rocks, swim, say mincha, eat ice cream, and much much more! If you have any questions about saying Mincha on the beach, please contact Psycho Toddler. This post is going to be about yet another close run in with little kids for me. If you don't know what I'm talking about saying this has happened to me before, please read my post "Attack of the Clones."

I was climbing a big rock just as a wave came in and left me knee deep in pure salt water. I could hear some singing coming from my 4 year old second cousin. We'll call her the PT2. She only speaks Hebrew, but I can translate for you what she was singing:

"I am a lion. I am a lion. I am the lion of the SEA!!!! <ROAR!>"

After singing her song and roaring a couple of times, she started looking for something. She dug deep into the sand of the beach until she found what she was looking for. I got off my rock for a bit because Mom had just told me I had to look after the PT2. My cousin withdrew her hand from the hole holding a big sharp rock. In the other hand, she had a huge clump of wet sand. She looked at me very closely. Then she roared and threw everything she had at me. I screamed and dodged the rock, but the sand hit me in the leg.

"ANI (please insert name here) ! ARI HAYUMAI! ROAR!"

That was her battle cry. She picked up more sand and rocks and threw them at anyone who came within range. I climbed back up my rock and stayed there. When PT2 realized she couldn't go any deeper into the water to get me, she started digging in the sand again. She dug and dug until she had excavated 12 rocks and a dent big enough for her to sit inside. I believe she referred to this as her throne. If I went of my rock for even a second, She would be all over me. She waited to see if I would come down for a bit, but when she realized otherwise, she went back to digging other holes and singing to herself. When she wasn't looking, I got off my rock and went over to her throne. She wasn't there anymore and didn't see me. I took all her rocks and piles of sand and dumped them into the water. Then I ran back to my rock as fast as possible.When PT2 got back and saw there was no weapons she cried out in rage:

"ME OSEH ZEH LIH ARI YUMAI?!" (ROAR)

From then on she was more cautious about leaving her nest/throne. I think at some point we made some kind of deal using eye contact.

Her conditions: "Don't go near my home"

My conditions: "Don't kill me"

Normally I wouldn't let her hurt me like that, you know, the physical hurting, but she's young and doesn't always know better. We coexisted for a little while like that, and sometimes she'd come by my rock to collect shells or pebbles, and I went near her throne every once in a while to see witch rock to jump to next (there was a perfect view). Then the real PT and my other cousin (we'll call her csn2) came down to the beach. Csn2 ran down into the water and called to the PT.

"PT! BO POH!"
"She means, 'come here" I translated for the PT

The PT looked down at the water. Then at csn2, and then at me.

"Oh, you CANNOT be serious!" she yelled

The PT2 did not like this at all. One girl was her sister, so that was cool. But who was this other girl? She did not belong in the sea of the ari yumai!

"ROAR! ANI ARI HAYUMAI! ROAR!"

She took some rocks and sand from her throne and ran towards the PT. Still roaring, she began throwing things at her.

"Ahh!" screamed the PT at the PT2 "Stop! Stop, you don't know what your doing!"
"PT2! YOSHEVET ES HA CHOL SHELACH!" I ordered the PT2.

She didn't go back, but she did stop throwing things. She looked at the PT, who had a strange expression on her face. Then she walked slowly towards her nest.

"cane..." she mumbled.

It stayed peaceful until the boys arrived with ice cream, and we ate and said Mincha on the beach while the PT2 still roared. It was a good trip, I'll admit. But once again it was a close run in with little kids for me.

Anyone need to use the bathroom?

2007-07-24T16:04:00.000-07:00

Today we went to this museum. There weren't that many exhibits, but the museum was in a building from old Milwaukee, so the building itself was an exhibit. While we were there, the PT said she had to go to the bathroom. Upon arriving at the bathroom door, she said that Fudge and I should go in with her. It was actually pretty fancy for a bathroom. It had tall long mirrors rimmed with silver above the sinks. There was a total of 3 stalls. Only 3, but it still took a long time for the PT to choose one.

PT: (opens first door). "Hmmm.....This ones dirty." (closes first stall door).

PT: (opens second stall door). "Hmmm.....This one has no toilet paper." (closes second stall door)

I should proIbably tell you, there was no toilet paper on the roll in that stall. Instead, the toilet paper was sitting on top of the toilet, where it was in plain sight as soon as you opened the door.

Fudge: "okay PT, your going in the last one."

PT: "But that one has a diaper station in it!"

iguana: "Then go in the first one!"

PT: "Okay...But I'm not locking the door."

We had some issues because the door kept swinging back open.

PT: "Ugh! Someone hold this, okay!"

We ended up locking it. We could hear her talking to herself from the inside.

PT: "Okay, do this then this. Okay, here it goes! 1....2....3...!"

A few minutes later...........

PT: "ARGH! There's no toilet paper in here!"

iguana: (goes into different stall to get toilet paper).

PT: "Uh...Wrong stall. I'm in here."

iguana: (Rips off a piece of toilet paper and slips it through PT's stall door.)

PT: (Receives toilet paper) "Oh. Uh, I guess this works too."

Soon the PT came out of the stall and we tried to wash her hands.

Fudge: "Okay PT now your going to wash your hands....With soap."

The PT couldn't reach, so Fudge turned on the water.

PT: "Ah! It's boiling!"

After the hands were washed, all we had to do was dry them. Finally, we emerged from the bathroom, triumphant. The family had migrated to the stairs by the time we had come out.

Curly: What took you guys so long!?"

Fudge: "I'm not prepared to talk about it."

Well, I was. And I still am. I'm using this blog to tell people so technically it could get to every corner of the Internet. I was prepared to talk about it alright! I don't know how long it took to get out, but my estimate would be around 30 minutes.

P.S: Internet probably isn't capitalized. The stupid Spell Check made me do it.

It's up to you

2007-07-19T19:03:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone. It's been a while since I've blogged. But seeing as no one reads my blog anymore, I can say anything I want to right? I could say some random junk like "aliens exist! My brother is living proof!" and no one could stop me, because no one is reading this! Anyway, I've decided to post something completely random and is not offensive. It just has nothing to do with the outside world. Listen to these next questions carefully. Put your ear to the computer screen.

DO YOU HAVE INTERNET ACCESS? IF SO, DO YOU HAVE A BLOG?

DO YOU STILL BLOG?

DO PEOPLE READ YOUR BLOG?IF NOT, HOW COME?

DO YOU READ OTHER PEOPLE'S BLOGS?

DO YOU COMMENT OR JUST SPECTATE?

START COMMENTING YOU FOOL!

YOU'RE NOT LISTENING ARE YOU?

BOY, HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU GUYS

IF YOUR JUST GONNA SIT THERE ALL DAY AND NOT PAY ATTENTION TO ANYTHING I'M SAYING.....

I'M JUST GONNA STOP TEACHING THIS CLASS!

AND I AM OUT

iguana signed out at 8:21 a.m ;)

Pretty interesting huh? TOO BAD YOU WEREN'T LISTENING!

Attack of the Clones

2007-05-06T14:21:00.000-07:00

My friend's family has two sets of twins. My friend is the firstborn, then there's one set of twins, each one around 7, and another set of twins, each one around 3. Sometimes the twins have little fights, like the 3 year old twins vs. the 7 year old twins. Because there are two sets of twins running around, they are able to cause trouble around every part of the house. All the twins like to do is cause trouble anyway. That friend invited me to her house for Shabbos. Once we got inside we heard screaming, laughing, crying, and arguing. Each girl or boy got along with its twin just fine, but it didn't get along so well with the other set of twins. This part will get a bit tricky, so I'm going to give my friends some name tags. Friend 1 was the one who invited me to her house. Later she invited friend 2 who lived across the street. When friend 2 arrived, friend 1 asked me to leave them alone for a bit. I said okay and went to the living room. There I found one 3 year old jumping on the couch, and another 3 year old making a mess by scattering toys everywhere. I tried my best to round up the twins, but when they saw me coming, they ran to the hall closet, picked up some boots, and began throwing them at me. I took a pillow from the couch and used it as a shield. I advanced, using my "shield", and took away the shoes. Now the twins were getting smarter. One went behind me, and another one in front. I didn't want to hurt them, so in order to escape, I hid inside the hall closet. One twin saw me going in and called to the other. Soon I heard them yelling and banging on the door with boots. I decided to come out before they broke something. Once I opened the door, I ran for the couch and climbed on top. This stopped the twins, but not for long. They knew they weren't allowed on top of the couch, but decided to do it anyway in order to kill me. I jumped down and ran for the bedrooms. I went into my friend 1's room and hid in the closet. The closet door was strong, but in the distance I heard in a little voice:

" where is she? Me and my twin will look in the bedrooms, you and your twin look in the other rooms."

uh-oh I said to myself. The twins were getting smarter by the second. A 3 year old girl knocked open the bedroom door I had bolted with a couple laundry baskets. She opened the closet door and shrieked. I shrieked too, because then I saw another 3 year old and two 7 year olds (each armed with a shoe) walking into the room. I got hit a couple times by boots but made it to the living room. By the time they had arranged a formation and got to the living room, I had set a trap. The little ones attempted to charge me while the 7 year old shot plastic spears from a fake gun set at me. The 3 year old tripped on the pillows I piled up, and while they were down, I took a jump rope and tied them down with it (all this time I was getting small cuts from the edges of the spears). Soon they got out out my trap, but I was able to calm them down with some small talk. I asked them about their preschool and what they do there. It was freaky because every time I asked a yes or no question, they would nod or shake at exactly the same time. In the end, I made friends with them and got my own personal escort. Everywhere I went they followed me. When I went back to friend 1 and she disagreed about something, a twin actually threatened her. When it was time for me to leave, the twins gave me a hug, and I went home feeling happy. Although next time I go to their house, I'll probably have to do this all over again.

Yipee!

2007-04-30T19:01:00.000-07:00

Guess what everybody? It's almost summer vacation! That's right, only one month left of school and it's home free! my homework-worn class and I have been trudging along, waited to be hit with a
"We're having an advanced algebra pop quiz!"
or a
"Don't forget to study for your 4 page long Navi test tomorrow!"

No more! Once we hit summer vacation I deliberately sleep in, and I will not have to make my lunch everyday, and I will not have to worry before I run out the door "Am I forgetting something?"

Unfortunately, NOW is when we have all our "major tests". In History, we're doing a complete biography on a famous inventor (mine is Alexander Graham Bell, inventor of the telephone). In math, we're having a section test on algebra and advanced fractions. In Chumash we're having a test on parshas Bisholoch. We haven't gotten that far in Navi, but we're close to finishing the 3 prokim we've been working on. In Hebrew Language we just had a chapter test. In Science we have a planet report due in a couple weeks. And we have a........ARGHH!!! You know what, I'm not waiting for summer, I'm going on vacation right now! So long suckers!

Back to school

2007-04-05T12:25:00.000-07:00

We've finished our Seders and Pesach is almost over. School will be resuming shortly, but I actually have somethings to look forward to:

1) at school I will not need to wash dishes, clean, or set tables or any other chores.
2) I won't need to be taking care of the PT for 3 hours straight
3) I will finally get to try out that exploding pencil sharpener my friend gave me before Pesach break.

Yes, it's true. My friend DID give me an exploding pencil sharpener. This is how it came to be.

Today was the last day of school before Pesach break. Everyone had to clean out their lockers,desks, and backpacks. I finished all my "chores" and started helping my friend. She's Lebovitch and doesn't come for English class, so she had a lot of junk. As we were unloading her desk, I found a pink pencil sharpener covered and purple-black goo and had looked like it had seen better days. When I asked her about it, she said

"Oh, that was a little accident. I thought I was sharpening my pencil, but really I was sharpening my pen, so the tip exploded inside the pencil sharpener. It was a purple pen."

"Exploded?"

"Yep, the whole tip blew up and covered the pencil sharpener and I haven't used it since"

"Can I have it, if you don't use it anymore?"

"I don't see why not. You can take it when we're done with my desk."

This was a golden opportunity to get a working pencil sharpener. My current one didn't sharpen and the blade was popping off. All I had to do was clean out the purple-black goop. So we finished up her desk, and in return, she helped me fix the pencil sharpener. There wasn't so many times during the day for me to try it out, so I just have to wait until after break.

That's the story. I just hope that my pencils don't explode when I try to sharpen them. But it has a crayon sharpener and ,believe it or not, it's better at sharpening pencils than sharpening crayons. But at that point, I think I would have accepted a pencil sharpener that had been cut in half, crushed, or whatever rather than my current one. What good is a pencil sharpener that doesn't sharpen?

Pesach Cleaning

2007-03-18T17:30:00.000-07:00

It's Pesach time! in other words, mop 'till you drop! Not only do I have all these write tons of Divrea Torah on the Hagada for school, but I also have to listen to the Seder Paraders. It's an old record my mom has about these kids who dance around and sing songs about Pesach. It's not that bad, but the songs definitely need some work.

As the years go on, Pesach cleaning seems to be getting less fun. It's like, the first years we mop and sing and scrub and play, all at the same time, but now it's "Put that here, take that downstairs" this and that, it's not as fun. Not that cleaning was supposed to be fun anyway. On the Seder Paraders, there's a song called Mrs. Balabusta. Mrs. B sings about how hard cleaning is and how she has to buy new dishes for Pesach, clean and scrub, and all that. This is how the blogger, Mrs. Balabusta, chose her blogger name.

As for the seder, all I can say is I hope we have a seder that only lasts 'till 11:00 p.m. Some of my classmates seder's have been known to go on 'till the a.ms. All through out the seder, PT is running around everywhere, but by the time we get to Shulchan Orache, she has dropped to the floor, asleep.

Histories Mysteries: Do Jews have horns?

2007-03-09T12:37:00.002-08:00

We were in Parshah class and my teacher was trying to explain something. She says

"I know this is hard to understand, but some
people, who don't know anything about Jews,
say that we have horns."

Everyone in my class just burst out laughing. Horns? HORNS?! My teacher went on about how to them it makes perfect sense, that Jews have horns, but to us it's utterly ridiculous. My friends started making jokes about it, saying like

"Yes! I DO have horns! They're growing in right here!"

"I'll ask my brother about his horns when I go home"

"one time, this guy came to my brother and said 'lift up your hat I want to see your horns'. He burst out laughing!"

My teacher kept trying to explain why people thought we had horns, but people were rolling on the floor laughing! Someone actually got sent out of class because they just couldn't take it anymore. The reason people thought we had horns, is because the second time Moshe came down from Har Sinia, his face was shining with the Shicheena, so some of the light made it look like he had horns. Later after Moshe's death, a sculpture was made of him with horns. So people concluded that Jew's have horns, and cover them with our yamachas. But still you have to admit, imagine living in a world where everyone has horns!

Shtick Wanted

2007-02-26T15:10:00.000-08:00

Happy Purim! In honor of Purim, my class would like to make the greatest shtick there ever was. So all this week and the last, we've been going to "secret class meetings during recess" so we can try to think of a shtick. I went to one and the ideas I heard were, in my opinion, not very good. So I would like to ask, if you can think of a good shtick or one that's worked very well in the past, please tell me. We're trying to have the best shtick and there are plenty of classes that will try to have better.

Talk to the PT!

2007-02-15T15:20:00.000-08:00

Since me and the P.T are close friends, I will be interviewing her just to prove how she got her name. The PSYCHO TODDLER!

PT: greetings, I love it!

me: love what?

PT: Love the life that burns!

me: what are you talking about?

PT: Okay, let me tell you. I'm the biggest giant in the world who has a burning life!

me: What in the world do you mean by burning life?!

PT: All the times you burn yourself you have a burnt life!

me: Okay.....So what's your job?

PT: Oh, my job is the Fugawaga machine.

me: The What!?

PT: I'm the biggest lady on the Fugawaga machine.

me: What is a Fugawaga machine?

PT: In my language, Fugawaga means washer and dryer.

me: Your language?

PT: Intipi, Fugawaga machine classus meiro bo. That means "well, the washer and dryer machine is the big important machine"

me: it's almost time to rap this up. Got anything you want to say to all your fans?

PT: What?! We're on TV?! Where are all the guys?

me: ten....nine....eight....seven

PT: Bye everybody! And you guys too, say goodbye to the Fugawaga machine!

me: four...three....two...one.....Okay, goodbye folks!

Surprise!

2007-02-08T15:54:00.000-08:00

My class has a thing for birthdays. When it was some one's birthday, we all secretly gathered at some one's house, and waited for a big surprise party. A couple of weeks ago, we had what seemed to be a surprise party gone horribly wrong. It was supposed to be a birthday party, but instead it turned out to be a place of nothing but boredom, pain, and way too much flash photography.

We had decided to leave school in small groups, making sure not to attract to much attention. Before the birthday girl arrived everything was going well. We were all excited, everyone was running around the house. I went to the bathroom to do my hair. It was a mess . The birthday girl was to bring a package here for her friend. The owner of the house would draw her inside, where we would all be waiting. The plan worked. We all got in our hiding places and blew out some more balloons. Then, when she walked inside we all yelled "SURPRISE!" and handed her a piece of cake. Then we ate the rest of it, chocolate with chocolate frosting and sprinkles. It was pretty good, and while we ate it we played a game. It was called "while eating cake, say something nice about the birthday girl". Pretty self explanatory. After we finished the cake we all went downstairs and played elimination. That was absolutely zero fun because everyone was complaining the ceiling was too low. This is when the party started falling apart. The mother in this house wanted to take a picture of everyone with the birthday girl. People like me and my best friend were then completely left out of the party, because we were not very close friends with the birthday girl. All she wanted to do after she got a hold of the camera, was take pictures of every little thing she saw. In the meanwhile, me and the mother got to play surgeon with my best friend because she had just gotten a nasty cut. After that, we both talked and drank soda . Some people went home, figuring the party really couldn't get any worse. Pretty soon only five people at the party were actually having fun. Me and my best friend went home after that.

That's the end of my flash back. You may now wake up, get up from your seat and go throw a party of your own. Just make sure not to have ANY cameras there.

Survival of the Warmest

2007-02-05T07:17:00.000-08:00

Of all places, why Milwaukee? Why did we have to get hit with snowstorms and extremly cold tempetures? Check out this conversation I had with one of my friends.
we were at school. The recess bell had just rang, and we were discussing whether to go outside or not.

friend: We are SO not going outside for recess.

me: I know, but as long as we're bundled up we're fine. (I drove to school)

friend: No, you don't get it. It's is freezing beyond freezing out there! Like, eighteen below zero!

me: Are you sure? It didn't seem to cold to me.

friend: How cold was it when you left your house?

me: eight degrees.

friend: My house was even lower than that. The dog didn't even want to go outside.

we ended up going in the gymnasium, thank g-d for that. Even so, no one's dogs went outside.
And that was that. Kind of strange, but every time we get it break in school, No one thinks oh, we're taking a break. Everyone thinks oh, we're going outside. One reason I am happy for global warming. Even though acording to Al Gore, It will kill millions of people. (Kinyna Harah)

What about math?

2007-02-04T14:01:00.001-08:00

It is true. It may not be obvious, but there are many people struggling with algebra. Unfortunately I am one of those people. It is one way I drive my teachers crazy. I will often see a problem like this in my textbook:

"Sarah has a book store. She sells magazines and poetry. The number of people who bought poetry is two times greater than the number of people who bought magazines. Who bought what?"

Now you see why I don't get it. My teacher keeps trying to tell me that I need to guess, but if you guess how will I get the right answer? It's insanity! I feel like my mind is going to explode! Sometimes I even say to myself who cares how many books she sold? It's not my fault she can't keep track! some days there's that off chance that I get something right and on those days I get rewarded with an extra homework sheet. Yay! We love algebra homework. Then at the end of the year, I finally understand it and go forget it all over summer vacation. Isn't school great?

Welcome!

2007-02-04T10:58:00.001-08:00

Welcome to my new blog! Brothers sisters and all family members are welcome. I will be blogging here for who knows how long, maybe forever. In that case, make sure to get a comfortable chair and get ready for

IGUANA'S BLOG
only in theaters
or maybe just your
house