Pesach Cleaning

It's Pesach time! in other words, mop 'till you drop! Not only do I have all these write tons of Divrea Torah on the Hagada for school, but I also have to listen to the Seder Paraders. It's an old record my mom has about these kids who dance around and sing songs about Pesach. It's not that bad, but the songs definitely need some work.

As the years go on, Pesach cleaning seems to be getting less fun. It's like, the first years we mop and sing and scrub and play, all at the same time, but now it's "Put that here, take that downstairs" this and that, it's not as fun. Not that cleaning was supposed to be fun anyway. On the Seder Paraders, there's a song called Mrs. Balabusta. Mrs. B sings about how hard cleaning is and how she has to buy new dishes for Pesach, clean and scrub, and all that. This is how the blogger, Mrs. Balabusta, chose her blogger name.

As for the seder, all I can say is I hope we have a seder that only lasts 'till 11:00 p.m. Some of my classmates seder's have been known to go on 'till the a.ms. All through out the seder, PT is running around everywhere, but by the time we get to Shulchan Orache, she has dropped to the floor, asleep.

Histories Mysteries: Do Jews have horns?

We were in Parshah class and my teacher was trying to explain something. She says

"I know this is hard to understand, but some
people, who don't know anything about Jews,
say that we have horns."

Everyone in my class just burst out laughing. Horns? HORNS?! My teacher went on about how to them it makes perfect sense, that Jews have horns, but to us it's utterly ridiculous. My friends started making jokes about it, saying like

"Yes! I DO have horns! They're growing in right here!"

"I'll ask my brother about his horns when I go home"

"one time, this guy came to my brother and said 'lift up your hat I want to see your horns'. He burst out laughing!"

My teacher kept trying to explain why people thought we had horns, but people were rolling on the floor laughing! Someone actually got sent out of class because they just couldn't take it anymore. The reason people thought we had horns, is because the second time Moshe came down from Har Sinia, his face was shining with the Shicheena, so some of the light made it look like he had horns. Later after Moshe's death, a sculpture was made of him with horns. So people concluded that Jew's have horns, and cover them with our yamachas. But still you have to admit, imagine living in a world where everyone has horns!

Shtick Wanted

Happy Purim! In honor of Purim, my class would like to make the greatest shtick there ever was. So all this week and the last, we've been going to "secret class meetings during recess" so we can try to think of a shtick. I went to one and the ideas I heard were, in my opinion, not very good. So I would like to ask, if you can think of a good shtick or one that's worked very well in the past, please tell me. We're trying to have the best shtick and there are plenty of classes that will try to have better.

Talk to the PT!

Since me and the P.T are close friends, I will be interviewing her just to prove how she got her name. The PSYCHO TODDLER!

PT: greetings, I love it!

me: love what?

PT: Love the life that burns!

me: what are you talking about?

PT: Okay, let me tell you. I'm the biggest giant in the world who has a burning life!

me: What in the world do you mean by burning life?!

PT: All the times you burn yourself you have a burnt life!

me: Okay.....So what's your job?

PT: Oh, my job is the Fugawaga machine.

me: The What!?

PT: I'm the biggest lady on the Fugawaga machine.

me: What is a Fugawaga machine?

PT: In my language, Fugawaga means washer and dryer.

me: Your language?

PT: Intipi, Fugawaga machine classus meiro bo. That means "well, the washer and dryer machine is the big important machine"

me: it's almost time to rap this up. Got anything you want to say to all your fans?

PT: What?! We're on TV?! Where are all the guys?

me: ten....nine....eight....seven

PT: Bye everybody! And you guys too, say goodbye to the Fugawaga machine!

me: four...three....two...one.....Okay, goodbye folks!

Surprise!

My class has a thing for birthdays. When it was some one's birthday, we all secretly gathered at some one's house, and waited for a big surprise party. A couple of weeks ago, we had what seemed to be a surprise party gone horribly wrong. It was supposed to be a birthday party, but instead it turned out to be a place of nothing but boredom, pain, and way too much flash photography.

We had decided to leave school in small groups, making sure not to attract to much attention. Before the birthday girl arrived everything was going well. We were all excited, everyone was running around the house. I went to the bathroom to do my hair. It was a mess . The birthday girl was to bring a package here for her friend. The owner of the house would draw her inside, where we would all be waiting. The plan worked. We all got in our hiding places and blew out some more balloons. Then, when she walked inside we all yelled "SURPRISE!" and handed her a piece of cake. Then we ate the rest of it, chocolate with chocolate frosting and sprinkles. It was pretty good, and while we ate it we played a game. It was called "while eating cake, say something nice about the birthday girl". Pretty self explanatory. After we finished the cake we all went downstairs and played elimination. That was absolutely zero fun because everyone was complaining the ceiling was too low. This is when the party started falling apart. The mother in this house wanted to take a picture of everyone with the birthday girl. People like me and my best friend were then completely left out of the party, because we were not very close friends with the birthday girl. All she wanted to do after she got a hold of the camera, was take pictures of every little thing she saw. In the meanwhile, me and the mother got to play surgeon with my best friend because she had just gotten a nasty cut. After that, we both talked and drank soda . Some people went home, figuring the party really couldn't get any worse. Pretty soon only five people at the party were actually having fun. Me and my best friend went home after that.

That's the end of my flash back. You may now wake up, get up from your seat and go throw a party of your own. Just make sure not to have ANY cameras there.

Survival of the Warmest

Of all places, why Milwaukee? Why did we have to get hit with snowstorms and extremly cold tempetures? Check out this conversation I had with one of my friends.
we were at school. The recess bell had just rang, and we were discussing whether to go outside or not.

friend: We are SO not going outside for recess.

me: I know, but as long as we're bundled up we're fine. (I drove to school)

friend: No, you don't get it. It's is freezing beyond freezing out there! Like, eighteen below zero!

me: Are you sure? It didn't seem to cold to me.

friend: How cold was it when you left your house?

me: eight degrees.

friend: My house was even lower than that. The dog didn't even want to go outside.

we ended up going in the gymnasium, thank g-d for that. Even so, no one's dogs went outside.
And that was that. Kind of strange, but every time we get it break in school, No one thinks oh, we're taking a break. Everyone thinks oh, we're going outside. One reason I am happy for global warming. Even though acording to Al Gore, It will kill millions of people. (Kinyna Harah)

What about math?

It is true. It may not be obvious, but there are many people struggling with algebra. Unfortunately I am one of those people. It is one way I drive my teachers crazy. I will often see a problem like this in my textbook:

"Sarah has a book store. She sells magazines and poetry. The number of people who bought poetry is two times greater than the number of people who bought magazines. Who bought what?"

Now you see why I don't get it. My teacher keeps trying to tell me that I need to guess, but if you guess how will I get the right answer? It's insanity! I feel like my mind is going to explode! Sometimes I even say to myself who cares how many books she sold? It's not my fault she can't keep track! some days there's that off chance that I get something right and on those days I get rewarded with an extra homework sheet. Yay! We love algebra homework. Then at the end of the year, I finally understand it and go forget it all over summer vacation. Isn't school great?