Fellow Citizens

people, citizens, whatever you want to be called. Something very important has come to my attention. Let's start from them beginning, shall we?

EXHIBIT A: SUNDAY
sunday was actually pretty good. Outofammo was sick, and throwing up. And so he stayed home with the PT and me, which I thought was pretty awesome, mainly becuz he felt better in a few seconds and drew pictures of superman with us. Everything in sunday went exactly right, down to the last fun-coated-minute, and I went to bed feeling fine.

EXHIBIT B: MONDAY
Okay, I woke up (again) feeling fine. I ate some breakfast. I got dressed in my school uniform. I sang while I washed the dishes. And thats when it hit me. I'm telling you, it's like somebody was pounding my stomach. It was hard to breathe a little even. So I told my mom I wasn't feeling so well, and she gave me enough ibuprofen to kill a horse. I took these pills in a little bag and a small cup of pudding and went to school. At approximatly 8:45 AM, I staggered to the bathroom to take the pills. I opening the pudding and stuck some pills in the first bite and jammed it into my mouth and swallowed hard. I remember thinking at that point 'hey. That wasn't so hard.'

It was then I threw up all over teh counter.

After a while, somebody got a teacher and I went down to the office and fell asleep in the waiting chair. (there are many legends about the waiting chair that I may or may not divulge later) I felt horrible for the rest of the day.

EXHIBIT C: WHERE I PIECE THE EVIDENCE TOGETHER

Now, you are all probably wondering why I just told you all that. Well, while I was sick, a friend of mine called who lives far away. I told her I was sick, and she told me her whole FAMILY was sick of strep throat. This is what aroused my suscipicion. Once I began to feel better (which was later that week) I sent out emails to my other friends living elsewhere in the world, and also talked to my mother. As I expected, all reported that there were many sick people in their community who were suffering from sore throat, stomach flu, dirriah, and all kinds of other ailments. I flicked on the news where they were openly announcing who won the "least healthy city in America" (somewhere in North Dakota, I think. The city I mean, not America.) But still news of even more sick people everywhere reached me. Even in books I was reading, people were constantly suffering from illness.

My fellow Americans, this is more than mere coincidence.

Something is happening to our planet. This may be hard to believe, but something is wrong in the world. Perhaps this is the reason for our faltering economy. But whatever it is, I believe it is a prelude to something big. Something is coming! Aliens? The apocolpsye? Moshiach? Whatever it is, it is causing many, MANY people to suddenly become sick. My humble Americans, this calls for drastic action. Do you want to be the last one on the block to know when the jig is up? Come on! We must prepare for war! Grab your torch and pitchfork, let's beat this thing head on! This could be a divine signal!

Or it could be those five tubes of yogurt I just ate.