Yipee!

heLLO blOgers! i'M only doing this because I'm super bored and have nothing to blog about except for major algebra homework AnD the pT, witch I'm sure your getting bored of by now. sOOO.... i'VE decided to play around with the color fonts instead!


WARNING-----WARNING----WARNING----WARNING---------

if you have problems with different colors and fonts, please leave the blog NOW! If you like a little variety in your life, continue reding.

WARNING---WARNING-----WARNING----WARNING----------

AdJECTIVES! please don't litter! lard is not cool! i hate algebra! little ittie bittie twiddle bugs

super small a bit bigger pretty big huge HUMONGO!

That last one wasn't a word.

IT'S MINE! IT'S A HUNDRED! SHUT IF OFF!

BOOM! Thank you whoever just shotgunned their computer. Sorry for exploding on you. It is now safe to exit the blog, through the back door.

wine for babies and bees

Unfortunately, Or succah does not have a screen, so bees were able to get in pretty easily. Also unfortunately, they were addicted to wine. We had over that day, Mrs.B's friend and her baby boy. During kiddish, when Pyschotoddler was drinking the wine from the bachar, baby boy asked his mother

"Mommy, I'm thirsty what can I drink?"
" You want some water honey?"
"No, I want wine in my sippy"

Wine. Wine in the sippy cup. Was this little boy expecting to get drunk? Once the wine came out, the bees came in. Apparently, they wanted some wine too. How they planned to drink it, I don't know. But I suppose there's an explanation, seeing as it's sweet. That doesn't explain why the baby wanted wine though. Do they know something we don't? Are there other babies and hives who have huge stocks of wine and grape juice? They said in the paper that the honey bees had disappeared for a short time and now we know why! They were refilling their Joyvin boxes! Whatever you do, don't put any kind of wine in you succah! (unless you're a bee keeper)

"One morning day.....

iguana came to the couch. She sat down on the couch. Then, all at once, a hungry message came to iguana. The hungry message grabbed iguana's neck and whispered something for only iguana's ears. Then the hungry message went back from the room, to continue his Amish traditions."

-the Pt

Under the Sea

I'm only typing in blue because I feel like it. No real reason. Anyway, if you've read all the previous blogs, you would know that our family has left for Israel. If you haven't read those blogs, I suggest you get a move on. In Israel, there are so many beaches they are impossible to count and we go to one almost every day. We do plenty of things there, make sand castles, climb rocks, swim, say mincha, eat ice cream, and much much more! If you have any questions about saying Mincha on the beach, please contact Psycho Toddler. This post is going to be about yet another close run in with little kids for me. If you don't know what I'm talking about saying this has happened to me before, please read my post "Attack of the Clones."



I was climbing a big rock just as a wave came in and left me knee deep in pure salt water. I could hear some singing coming from my 4 year old second cousin. We'll call her the PT2. She only speaks Hebrew, but I can translate for you what she was singing:



"I am a lion. I am a lion. I am the lion of the SEA!!!! <ROAR!>"



After singing her song and roaring a couple of times, she started looking for something. She dug deep into the sand of the beach until she found what she was looking for. I got off my rock for a bit because Mom had just told me I had to look after the PT2. My cousin withdrew her hand from the hole holding a big sharp rock. In the other hand, she had a huge clump of wet sand. She looked at me very closely. Then she roared and threw everything she had at me. I screamed and dodged the rock, but the sand hit me in the leg.



"ANI (please insert name here) ! ARI HAYUMAI! ROAR!"



That was her battle cry. She picked up more sand and rocks and threw them at anyone who came within range. I climbed back up my rock and stayed there. When PT2 realized she couldn't go any deeper into the water to get me, she started digging in the sand again. She dug and dug until she had excavated 12 rocks and a dent big enough for her to sit inside. I believe she referred to this as her throne. If I went of my rock for even a second, She would be all over me. She waited to see if I would come down for a bit, but when she realized otherwise, she went back to digging other holes and singing to herself. When she wasn't looking, I got off my rock and went over to her throne. She wasn't there anymore and didn't see me. I took all her rocks and piles of sand and dumped them into the water. Then I ran back to my rock as fast as possible.When PT2 got back and saw there was no weapons she cried out in rage:


"ME OSEH ZEH LIH ARI YUMAI?!" (ROAR)

From then on she was more cautious about leaving her nest/throne. I think at some point we made some kind of deal using eye contact.

Her conditions: "Don't go near my home"

My conditions: "Don't kill me"

Normally I wouldn't let her hurt me like that, you know, the physical hurting, but she's young and doesn't always know better. We coexisted for a little while like that, and sometimes she'd come by my rock to collect shells or pebbles, and I went near her throne every once in a while to see witch rock to jump to next (there was a perfect view). Then the real PT and my other cousin (we'll call her csn2) came down to the beach. Csn2 ran down into the water and called to the PT.

"PT! BO POH!"
"She means, 'come here" I translated for the PT

The PT looked down at the water. Then at csn2, and then at me.

"Oh, you CANNOT be serious!" she yelled

The PT2 did not like this at all. One girl was her sister, so that was cool. But who was this other girl? She did not belong in the sea of the ari yumai!

"ROAR! ANI ARI HAYUMAI! ROAR!"

She took some rocks and sand from her throne and ran towards the PT. Still roaring, she began throwing things at her.

"Ahh!" screamed the PT at the PT2 "Stop! Stop, you don't know what your doing!"
"PT2! YOSHEVET ES HA CHOL SHELACH!" I ordered the PT2.

She didn't go back, but she did stop throwing things. She looked at the PT, who had a strange expression on her face. Then she walked slowly towards her nest.

"cane..." she mumbled.

It stayed peaceful until the boys arrived with ice cream, and we ate and said Mincha on the beach while the PT2 still roared. It was a good trip, I'll admit. But once again it was a close run in with little kids for me.

Anyone need to use the bathroom?

Today we went to this museum. There weren't that many exhibits, but the museum was in a building from old Milwaukee, so the building itself was an exhibit. While we were there, the PT said she had to go to the bathroom. Upon arriving at the bathroom door, she said that Fudge and I should go in with her. It was actually pretty fancy for a bathroom. It had tall long mirrors rimmed with silver above the sinks. There was a total of 3 stalls. Only 3, but it still took a long time for the PT to choose one.

PT: (opens first door). "Hmmm.....This ones dirty." (closes first stall door).

PT: (opens second stall door). "Hmmm.....This one has no toilet paper." (closes second stall door)


I should proIbably tell you, there was no toilet paper on the roll in that stall. Instead, the toilet paper was sitting on top of the toilet, where it was in plain sight as soon as you opened the door.

Fudge: "okay PT, your going in the last one."

PT: "But that one has a diaper station in it!"

iguana: "Then go in the first one!"

PT: "Okay...But I'm not locking the door."


We had some issues because the door kept swinging back open.

PT: "Ugh! Someone hold this, okay!"

We ended up locking it. We could hear her talking to herself from the inside.

PT: "Okay, do this then this. Okay, here it goes! 1....2....3...!"

A few minutes later...........

PT: "ARGH! There's no toilet paper in here!"

iguana: (goes into different stall to get toilet paper).

PT: "Uh...Wrong stall. I'm in here."

iguana: (Rips off a piece of toilet paper and slips it through PT's stall door.)

PT: (Receives toilet paper) "Oh. Uh, I guess this works too."

Soon the PT came out of the stall and we tried to wash her hands.

Fudge: "Okay PT now your going to wash your hands....With soap."

The PT couldn't reach, so Fudge turned on the water.

PT: "Ah! It's boiling!"

After the hands were washed, all we had to do was dry them. Finally, we emerged from the bathroom, triumphant. The family had migrated to the stairs by the time we had come out.

Curly: What took you guys so long!?"

Fudge: "I'm not prepared to talk about it."

Well, I was. And I still am. I'm using this blog to tell people so technically it could get to every corner of the Internet. I was prepared to talk about it alright! I don't know how long it took to get out, but my estimate would be around 30 minutes.


P.S: Internet probably isn't capitalized. The stupid Spell Check made me do it.

It's up to you

Hi everyone. It's been a while since I've blogged. But seeing as no one reads my blog anymore, I can say anything I want to right? I could say some random junk like "aliens exist! My brother is living proof!" and no one could stop me, because no one is reading this! Anyway, I've decided to post something completely random and is not offensive. It just has nothing to do with the outside world. Listen to these next questions carefully. Put your ear to the computer screen.

DO YOU HAVE INTERNET ACCESS? IF SO, DO YOU HAVE A BLOG?


DO YOU STILL BLOG?


DO PEOPLE READ YOUR BLOG?IF NOT, HOW COME?


DO YOU READ OTHER PEOPLE'S BLOGS?


DO YOU COMMENT OR JUST SPECTATE?


START COMMENTING YOU FOOL!


YOU'RE NOT LISTENING ARE YOU?


BOY, HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU GUYS


IF YOUR JUST GONNA SIT THERE ALL DAY AND NOT PAY ATTENTION TO ANYTHING I'M SAYING.....


I'M JUST GONNA STOP TEACHING THIS CLASS!


AND I AM OUT


iguana signed out at 8:21 a.m ;)

Pretty interesting huh? TOO BAD YOU WEREN'T LISTENING!

Attack of the Clones

My friend's family has two sets of twins. My friend is the firstborn, then there's one set of twins, each one around 7, and another set of twins, each one around 3. Sometimes the twins have little fights, like the 3 year old twins vs. the 7 year old twins. Because there are two sets of twins running around, they are able to cause trouble around every part of the house. All the twins like to do is cause trouble anyway. That friend invited me to her house for Shabbos. Once we got inside we heard screaming, laughing, crying, and arguing. Each girl or boy got along with its twin just fine, but it didn't get along so well with the other set of twins. This part will get a bit tricky, so I'm going to give my friends some name tags. Friend 1 was the one who invited me to her house. Later she invited friend 2 who lived across the street. When friend 2 arrived, friend 1 asked me to leave them alone for a bit. I said okay and went to the living room. There I found one 3 year old jumping on the couch, and another 3 year old making a mess by scattering toys everywhere. I tried my best to round up the twins, but when they saw me coming, they ran to the hall closet, picked up some boots, and began throwing them at me. I took a pillow from the couch and used it as a shield. I advanced, using my "shield", and took away the shoes. Now the twins were getting smarter. One went behind me, and another one in front. I didn't want to hurt them, so in order to escape, I hid inside the hall closet. One twin saw me going in and called to the other. Soon I heard them yelling and banging on the door with boots. I decided to come out before they broke something. Once I opened the door, I ran for the couch and climbed on top. This stopped the twins, but not for long. They knew they weren't allowed on top of the couch, but decided to do it anyway in order to kill me. I jumped down and ran for the bedrooms. I went into my friend 1's room and hid in the closet. The closet door was strong, but in the distance I heard in a little voice:

" where is she? Me and my twin will look in the bedrooms, you and your twin look in the other rooms."

uh-oh I said to myself. The twins were getting smarter by the second. A 3 year old girl knocked open the bedroom door I had bolted with a couple laundry baskets. She opened the closet door and shrieked. I shrieked too, because then I saw another 3 year old and two 7 year olds (each armed with a shoe) walking into the room. I got hit a couple times by boots but made it to the living room. By the time they had arranged a formation and got to the living room, I had set a trap. The little ones attempted to charge me while the 7 year old shot plastic spears from a fake gun set at me. The 3 year old tripped on the pillows I piled up, and while they were down, I took a jump rope and tied them down with it (all this time I was getting small cuts from the edges of the spears). Soon they got out out my trap, but I was able to calm them down with some small talk. I asked them about their preschool and what they do there. It was freaky because every time I asked a yes or no question, they would nod or shake at exactly the same time. In the end, I made friends with them and got my own personal escort. Everywhere I went they followed me. When I went back to friend 1 and she disagreed about something, a twin actually threatened her. When it was time for me to leave, the twins gave me a hug, and I went home feeling happy. Although next time I go to their house, I'll probably have to do this all over again.